Every good and perfect gift

I am now the proud owner of a bread machine. I shall make bread with it. Oh, the bread! I will probably be sharing pictures. I only specifically asked for three things for Christmas, and really didn't think I'd get the third. I did get 2/3. The other thing I got was a nice pair of jeans. I may need to exchange them, but they are indeed nice jeans, so I officially got what I wanted. I was thinking this morning about James 1:17: "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows"(NASB). So much thought and preparation goes into a good gift. I would like to become more like the Father in the year 2012 in that I am more prepared to give good gifts, whatever they might look or feel like. This is only possible if I believe and receive the blessings God wants to give me. I've been thinking about the Sara Groves song "Open My Hands," which you can listen to here: Open My Hands This song is in a way a cheerful companion to "Like a Lake," a song from a previous album about the struggle to keep one's heart open after a grievance. "Everything in me is tightening," says the latter song, "curling in around this ache/ I will lay my heart wide open / Like the surface of a lake." "I believe," begins "Open My Hands." That is the key to staying open. I believe in a blessing I don't understand I've seen rain fall on wicked and the just Rain is no measure of his faithfulness He withholds no good thing from us. If I'm going to stay broken and open, I have to believe that He isn't going to withhold from me. Even if at times I feel need, which is something the rest of the song addresses. Even if I feel like I'm the last one on everyone else's Christmas list, and I end up with re-gifted socks. On a lighter note, while the kids are sleeping, I am baking Jesus' birthday cake. This is helping Kyrstin understand what Christmas is about. I am pondering now how to do the candles. I'm sure an idea will present itself.

It's Not Perfect...

So we've been on the road this weekend, got home and had to figure out what to do for dinner before we put kids to bed, go to Wal-Mart, and finish prep for our Christmas tomorrow. We're kind of tired and the house is a mess. It's not going to be perfect. This weekend I caught a few minutes of a kids' Christmas cartoon, the theme of which, in the end, was that "It's not perfect, but it's Christmas." It fit beautifully with what I felt the Lord had been teaching me over the weekend, which is that I can still rejoice even when things don't turn out quite like I'd imagined. He used the last few verses in Habakkuk. The "It's not perfect, but it's _________" formula works for a lot of things. Well, this post isn't perfect, but it's done.

Santa

 

This may be a better version of the picture in the previous post.

All Things Bright and Beautiful

 

We saw Santa last night. The kids were so happy. I got to see that glimpse of wonder I've heard tell of, when Kyrstin figured out that Santa was right there. Stefan did well, too. I brought him up to Santa, and he turned to look at the big guy and smiled. And we thought we'd have to hold him during the shoot. This picture will always make me smile.

Speaking of things that make you smile, this morning Kyrstin wanted me to read *All Things Bright and Beautiful*, which is this beautifully illustrated children's book with the words to the hymn. My last post was about a children's hymn. This one is, too; the content is pretty basic, but it is a happy theme and a beautiful book. I think this same author does other stuff - we read Let There Be Peace On Earth awhile back. Neither are doctrinally rich. It reminds me of something that CS Lewis said, which is that a children's book should have something to say that will matter to adults, as well. Well, I am not entirely sure Let There Be Peace On Earth does, bc it is kind of universalist, but ATBAT is just lovely, and it's true. As a bonus, each of these books has the written music along with the story of the author and song. This would be a good idea for future childrens' books.

Here's the Amazon link so you can see what the book looks like. Its the artwork that makes it work - all cut paper art.

O Wondrous Love

Okay, today, happiness is wearing Christmas tree earrings my MIL gave me. Check 'em out.

I was reading Hebrews 13 today as part of my group Bible study, and have been reminded by the first three verses about the love we are to show both to fellow believers and to strangers. What a wonderful time of year to be reminded of this. What a wonderful love provides us the freedom to love, to do good, to show hospitality. What wondrous love! I got thinking about this song. It's a Sovereign Grace song, and I'm not sure that this cover is licensed. Hopefully this is okay. If anyone objects, I'll take it down. I know this isn't specifically at Christmas song, but it is the song my heart is singing at this time during this season, and I think it fits well. I love giving gifts - I probably take it too far. Somewhere at the heart of it is the kernel of truth that I've been given a great gift, a wondrous love "that sings of Calvary/ The sweetest song this sinner's ever known." I did not deserve this gift. Inherent in giving a gift is that it is not deserved or earned. That God would come to earth to provide a way for me to come to him humbles me, breaks me, makes my cold heart open up every time I am reminded of this gospel. So, while it is easy to lose sight of the gospel at Christmas, I am grateful for this reminder, and go back into the festivities now with a song in my heart - this song - and a sense of wonder at God's perfect love. Also, for fun, enjoying these festive earrings. ;)

Jesus, Joy of the Highest Heaven

I have a passion for Christmas music, new and old, and especially for new music that I think is good enough that it will have staying power and become "old" someday. I've heard a few new things this year that I think will have staying power. I think the Getty's "How Suddenly A Baby Cries" will hold on, but take awhile to become popular. I also like knowing the story behind a song. It's the Gettys' first Chrsitmas album and their first Christmas with a new baby. I'm sure that for them the Incarnation has taken on new meaning. This song, "Jesus, Joy of the Highest Heaven" is described below the video as a children's hymn. I'm not really sure of the difference between children's hymns and hymns for the rest of us anymore; maybe something to explore for a future post. In any case, I think having children makes you think differently about Jesus, "born as a little baby." I was actually talking to my daughter about how she was once in my belly like baby Jesus was in Mary's belly. This was a new concept to her. She likes it. I've shown her pictures. She has asked if she can get back in my belly. I explain that she is too big now. Here is the video, and below, a brief, non-sacred anecdote related to the above discussions. So, I told the kids, who were sitting in the dining area at their little table, to wait while I went to get the manger so I could talk to them about it. I was referring to pieces of our Fisher Price Little People nativity. When I got over to the nativity, which was just around the corner in the living room, I couldn't find baby Jesus at first. No big deal; last year we lost Mary for several weeks. I've gotten in the habit of praying out loud around the house for all kinds of things, especially when the kids are awake. So, I prayed, "Dear Lord, please help me find baby Jesus." And all of a sudden, I realized that it sounded like the premise of some kind of sermon illustration, Internet forward, or Hallmark movie. And the dread of being that made me pray even harder that I'd find him, and I did. He was down with the knock-off Little People mechanics in a drawer below the nativity perch. Now, I could really go on here about how Jesus would be with the lowly, etc., but that is not the point. Please. The point is that God helped me find the baby Jesus, and I went and talked to the kids about how Mary praised God for getting to be the mother of the most special baby ever. Happy ending.

One Song

I was thinking this morning about lyrics that I might post as a Facebook status, and my mind drifted to "What Child Is This?" Originally, I was going to post the chorus from the third verse, but decided to check myself for accuracy, and looked up the lyrics online. I was amazed to see how one song contains so many varied themes of Christmas. The narrative with its characters and tangibility - the baby on his mother's lap, angels singing, shepherds at their post. The humiliation of the King, chosen by the King himself - lying in "mean estate," when, as Milton reminds us, His true state is Kingly. Philippians 2:6-7 describes the attitude of such a king, who, "being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." The song focuses on the manger, but provides scope. The chorus of verse 2, which I hadn't really paid attention to before, says: "Nails, spear shall pierce Him through/ The cross be borne for me, for you." This is more than a sentimental glimpse at a family group; the "babe, the son of Mary," is "the Word made flesh." The last two lines of each chorus address the listener, but then in verse three, the entire verse is a call to worship, inviting us to imagine our connection to peasants and kings, who alike are humble before this baby, the King of kings. The lyrics I was thinking of posting to Facebook were those of the chorus of verse 3: "Raise, raise your song on high/ the Virgin sings her lullaby/ Joy, joy to all He brings/ The babe, the Son of Mary." I suppose these verses stood out to me because I am a singer and songwriter. Somehow I naturally want to exult in the joy I find in God, notwithstanding and not ignoring the pain, the suffering, the sin in the world. As Sara Groves puts it in "Tell Me What You Know," "so much can go wrong/ and still there are songs." There are songs because Jesus was born - because of Emmanuel, God with us. So in this one song we have the humility of the King, the salvific perspective of the manger, and a call to response. It's the gospel, and a skillful song indeed. (I can't find a video that features all of the original lyrics, but this one has some nice artwork. I read the lyrics here.)

Hold Me, Jesus

Tonight our associate pastor preached a very profound, but at the same time, practical, message, based on John 10:10. Profound in the sense of what the enemy it out to do, practical in the sense of what I can do. Pray. Read the Bible. Be intentional. I was thinking of my daughter the whole time. I have grave concerns about her happiness and spiritual influences. I felt so burdened by life, and kept thinking of this song by Rich Mullins. (Not sure what's going on with the video, but there it is.) I have been surprised lately by how much ordinary life counts in God's scheme of things. I kept thinking that what the pastor was speaking of referred to the events of my life: raising kids, being involved in ministry, dealing with hurts I've received and inflicted. It keeps surprising me, to find that faith is required for ordinary life.

An open heart

Today's prayer: "Dear Lord, help me to open my heart and savor all of your goodness this season." I am feeling the crunch, especially right now, of all the things I need to do, and on top of that, my own touchiness and stinginess. I don't want that. I don't want to be constricted by bitterness or business. Lord, help! Things I think I need to do: laundry, clean house, go to crafts store for stuff for daughter's birthday, play with kids, make photo calendars, decorate for Christmas. Oh, take shower. Change diapers and help preschooler use the toilet. Also would like to do something amazing as a mom. Also need to contact someone about running sound for an event next week, and then also invite a friend to said event. I may minimize the party. Daughter will not mind. Need to figure some things out. Help, Lord. I know you are good. Amen.

ChristMonth

Christmas can't be very far away. Just a month. I know it is Black Friday but I am not out there yet. I have to make it to Target this afternoon, but just for the pharmacy. So, maybe I'll get in on the excitement. It would just be for fun; we're not after any big ticket items. Well, as for our Thanksgiving day, we realized yesterday that we had some other friends that were alone. Why hadn't we thought of these people? We don't see them all the time, I guess that's why. By the time we realized it, it was too late to make plans. The connection was made possible in a very strange way. We were watching the news, and there was a fatal shooting down the street from their rental property. I contacted them to find out if they were in town or aware. They were, and alone for Thanksgiving. So, we get to see them tomorrow. I have no idea what the rest of the story was with the shooting. It's in a nice enough neighborhood; a place I'd definitely live. I almost don't want to think about it too much. I have a VERY busy week ahead. Here's the delicious cake I made. It's a bundt!

Without money and without cost

My house smells like teriyaki chicken, chocolate chip cookies, yeast rolls, and rice. I mean, if you've ever been susceptible to the warm fuzzies, I think this would do it for you. We are preparing a Thanksgiving feast (the terikyaki is for tonight - Thanksgiving Eve). We will have turkey, green bean casserole, stuffing, cranberry sauce (good stuff), yeast rolls, and cake. It will be more than enough. Today we happened to be driving on the highway, and at our exit waited a man with a long white beard and a cardboard sign. He stared at us, peered at us, the second car in line at the stoplight, which seemed forever. "It's Santa Claus!" said Kyrstin. I had had the same thought. Sweet girl. I tried to explain he was not Santa Claus, but a hungry man who wanted a job to do. "No, he's Santa Claus," she protested. Then, from somewhere, came the exclamation, "Get out of our way, Santa Claus!" I think she thought that we were sitting so long at that light because he wouldn't move. Fixing our feast today, I remembered the verses from Isaiah, “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost." I began thinking that I wished I knew someone who needed a meal to share, who could come over and be with us. I don't think I do. I don't know that man or where to find him. I'm sure there's someone I could invite, I just don't know how to make the announcement. Maybe on Facebook? Shout out KJV style, "Ho, all you who are thirsty!" At the same time, I don't want a hoarde showing up. I can't feed them all. I could have like four people over to share a meal with us. Not sure how I could find them without still feeling like I'm excluding people. In high school, my dad's church always did a community Thanksgiving meal. People came to the waters, and ate without money and without cost. It felt right. It's a meal that needs to be shared, as it was originally, to thank God for what He has provided. So, we're making a feast, and the invitation is open, should anyone read this. We love to cook and share.

His state is kingly

Woke up early with Stefan this morning, and read a little bit of Milton. Poem about waiting on God. It reminded me of how I feel sometimes limited because of the talent I have but cannot use because I must take care of kids. I have read the poem many times before but never thought of it that way. Resonating in my mind as I went back to sleep were the words, "wait," and "write." Of course Milton didn't quit writing when he went blind. He used his daughters as his amaneunses. Hmm... Here's the poem. When I consider how my light is spent, Ere half my days in this dark world and wide, And that one talent which is death to hide Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent To serve therewith my Maker, and present My true account, lest He returning chide; "Doth God exact day-labor, light denied?" I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need Either man's work or His own gifts. Who best Bear His mild yoke, they serve Him best. His state Is kingly: thousands at His bidding speed, And post o'er land and ocean without rest; They also serve who only stand and wait." Reading Milton changed my life; made me think of higher things, almost made me quit school (long story). Every time I encounter him it makes me pause, think, and want to strive to be a better writer.

Happiness is... this picture

 

Happiness is...

I think I'll start a "happiness" is category, where I just post some of my favorite things. Yesterday I was cruising the Internet looking for the perfect dessert to make for Thanksgiving. I really enjoyed it at first, but after about thirty minutes, I felt a bit queasy. I have an aversion to words like "moist" and "morsel," and a lot of the food pictures were the equivalent. I think I'm going to make a recipe my cousin sent me. No pictures; just a recipe that sounded good. She described it as "all fall," "not elegant," and something the kids would like. That's kind of neither here nor there - my point here is that I ended up making a crock pot bread in the afternoon with some pumpkin puree my husband made. Happiness is making bread in a crockpot, having it for dessert with family at dinner and then having it for bressert next morning.

No Good Thing

I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic "yes" to all that You have for me

. - Sara Groves, "Open My Hands," from the 2011 album, Invisible Empires

I was reading on PW's blog today that if you're going to blog, you should do is as often as possible, as much as possible, even if it's just a paragraph.

Thanksgiving is on Thursday, and prompts me to write a possibly very short post, just to say that I feel I have so much to be thankful for.

Sometimes I get scared that it won't all work out. I fret over details and schedules a lot. Even when things go well, I'm afraid they'll go too well and I won't be able to keep up/meet expectations.

This song reminded me the other day that those times that a lot seems to be going on, it may that God is just trying to bless. Perhaps when I open my hands to receive it, I let go of a bunch of other cares that don't matter.

A bit slapdash, but some thoughts:

I was thinking this morning about wisdom. "Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding," Solomon instructs his son (Proverbs 4:7). The importance of value and wisdom is clearly seen in this verse and throughout the Bible book of Proverbs. The benefits are listed as well: she will be a garland to grace your neck, etc. In James 1 believers are told that if they lack wisdom, they should ask God for it, and he will freely give it.

I was thinking of a parallel passage in Colossians 3, which is a chapter talks about holy living, about truthfulness and goodness in relationships, and about unity through this goodness. The author instructs the believers to "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." I am asking questions of the text, i.e., what does it mean to let the word of Christ dwell in you richly? What is the connection between teaching, admonishing, and singing? I think there is a connection between wisdom and the songs we sing. I'd like to trace that out.

Worthy Words: Making Each One Count

Milton begins Paradise Lost with an invocation, asking the heavenly muse to sing, through him, to describe the fall of mankind, and "justify the ways of God to men."

And chiefly thou O Spirit, that doest prefer
Before all temples the upright heart and pure,
Instruct me, for thou know'st; thou from the first
Wast present, and with mighty wings outspread
Dove-like sat'st brooding on the vast abyss
And mad'st it pregnant: what in me is dark
Illumine, what is low raise and support;
That to the height of this great argument
I may assert eternal providence,
And justify the ways of God to men.


Milton makes it clear here he is talking about the Holy Spirit of God - God Himself. The imagery is striking - a dove-like spirit who sits on a nest of darkness, giving birth to creation. That the Holy Spirit descended on Christ like a dove at his baptism was known, but this is a fresh and surprising take, and connotes creation and annointing at the same time. Milton feels he has a serious task and needs substantial help to complete it.

What an inspiration Milton is, and moreover, the footnotes to Paradise Lost. There is a richness and knowledge there that rewards and delights a careful reader. Every word is chosen for the multiple levels of meaning, for the sound is produces, the tone it creates, and the number of syllables and accents of the word.

In PL, Milton makes the argument that God was just and generous in sentencing sinful man and angels. In a much tighter structure, the author of "Before the Throne of God Above" describes the role of Christ as intercessor between man and God, especially in defense against the accuser who has been after Adam since Paradise.

This hymn is even better than I ever realized, in fact, it's just about perfect. I know this because I observe its excellencies, and when I try to think of a single improvement that could be made, I can't! I will point out a few things here that are technical and lend to the overall greatness of this hymn.

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

First of all, the message is perfectly clear. Second, it is memorable. In the first four lines, the P sound is allierated four times. In lines 5-7, note the repetition of sounds in the words "graven," "written," and "while in." In the same lines, the H sound is alliterated 6 times. The last line is a concise eight syllables, whereas a roundabout way would be to say that "There is nothing anyone can say that would make me have to leave heaven," which is 18 syllables. Similar structures of repetition and conciseness are repeated in the other stanzas. This is a hymn that helps people guard their minds and hearts against Satan's attacks. It is worth putting the effort into good writing for such a purpose.

"Still, My Soul Be Still" is a modern hymn by Keith and Kristyn Getty and Stuart Townend that urges the soul to take comfort in God's abiding presence.

Still my soul be still
And do not fear
Though winds of change may rage tomorrow
God is at your side
No longer dread
The fires of unexpected sorrow

God You are my God
And I will trust in You and not be shaken
Lord of peace renew
A steadfast spirit within me
To rest in You alone


I love the meter of this song. The number of syllables per line in the first verse are 5, 4, 9, 5, 4, 9, as though the first two short statements add up to the third, and so on. I also love the allusions to scripture that capture a large amount of meaning in just a few words. "The fires of unexpected sorrow" is a great line and I am not sure what to say about it. "Lord of peace renew/ a steadfast spirit within me/ to rest in You alone" is a very interesting lyrics. We know him to be the Prince of Peace. We know the Psalmist's cry in Psalm 51 to have a right spirit renewed. What is new here is the plea for renewal to trust. It's beautiful.

"Less Like Scars" by Sara Groves is a similarly introspective song.

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember


In the word "rubble," Groves communicates a great deal of information. Her world is in ruins - it has been destroyed or is in decay. She is like a natural disaster victim. The rhyme of "subtle" and "rubble" is nice. I've never heard it before. Nothing wrong with "love" and "above," but something new gets my attention; makes me listen. Ultimately this song is about something quite hard to describe, but she does it by negative and positive descriptions. Not so much this, but that. In later verses, she says "less like a prison, more like my room/ less like a casket, more like a womb." She makes each word count by choosing words that convey a great deal of information.

Chris Rice uses the metaphor of choice words to describe the potential value of each new day in "Life Means So Much" (this is one of my favorite pop songs ever).

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do and believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching


He uses a journal filling with pages as a metaphor for life. Curse vs. blessing reminds me that I can be intentional about how I harm or help. Rhyming verse vs. random sketching is a potent way of describing the difference between a well-lived or haphazard lifestyle. Note the alliteration in "compose a curse" and "bring a blessing." Also, metrically, note how "or some random sketching" seems to be lacking a few syllables to fit the line. This could be coincidental, but in my opinion it serves the meaning of the lyric well because it seems lacking in execution. The chorus is simple, asking God to help us making the days count, just as a good writer makes his words count.

Reliant K is a band I could go on and on about. If I could choose only one word to describe their lyrics, "clever" is what I would choose. Unlike the other songs I've mentioned here so far, you have to listen hard to catch what they're saying because it all goes by so fast, as in the bridge and chorus of "Be My Escape."

And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I've been locked inside that house
All the while You hold the key
And I've been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go,
Promise I'm going because

I gotta get outta here
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I'm begging You,
I'm begging You,
I'm begging You to be my escape.


There is a lot going on here, literarily. I particularly like the uses of "house" and "death/dying." There is a poetry term for what they're doing - using the same word with different meanings (Shakespeare did it all the time) - but I can't remember what it is. I think it does a good job telling the listener that harboring doubt and insecurity can be its own prison, and that sometimes a certain kind of death is required for freedom.

I'll end with Switchfoot's "Let Your Love Be Strong," which I find achingly beautiful and evocative.

As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired

Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites

Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your skies
All of that I am hanging on
All of my world resting on your love


I've done a little editing here - the first verse and chorus are missing. In the first quoted stanza, I imagine the author sitting on a park somewhere just outside of L.A., feeling very fatigued and projecting this feeling onto the world around him - the moon becomes the "dead moon," the freeways "sigh," and the stars are tired. I'll never ever get over the rhyming of "Los Angeles" with "unanimous." One of my favorite word choices. Ever. This stanza reminds me of Wordsworth's "Daffodils," about the weight of all this weary, unintelligible world. Tired as he is of the tired world, the author says God's strong love is enough for him. The second stanza I've quoted is underscored by snare drums to emphasize the war theme. If the weary world should be torn apart, with him in it, God's love is enough. I also love the balance of heavy themes with the somewhat lighthearted resignation expressed by, "I don't care what goes down." It's slang, but it also works into the lyric, as he has mentioned stars falling around him. It has two meanings, so again, it's a phrase that really counts.

I hope all of these musings over my favorite songs help to illustrate what some worthy word choices look like, over a range of styles and centuries.

Signs and Wonders

My daughter and I were enjoying spring weather in the back yard yesterday, and I noticed a bird anxiously guarding a perimeter around this birdhouse on our porch. I think she is nesting. It reminded me of a song I'd written after a similar encounter three years ago, when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was in awe of the sensations I was feeling, combined with what I was reading about her development, and the images I'd seen on the ultrasound screens. Every day was something amazing. Three years later, on another spring day, you could say that we were an ordinary mom and an ordinary little girl playing in an ordinary back yard. And yet, she has her own unique personality, sense of humor, favorite foods, and her own voice with songs of her own to sing. Every day is a revelation of something new she has learned or can do. Her most recent contribution to the world was the creation of the word "marshmunnies," which is what she calls the bunny-shaped marshmallows I put in her Easter eggs. I revised the song I started three years ago to include both bookends. Here are the lyrics.

Outside the door
I watch a bird feather her nest
I'm glad for her
And hope for the nest.
I see the buds
Where the blossoms are soon to be
These are the signs
And wonders of Spring.

All the world's waiting for something new
Now that April showers have come and gone
I want you to know, we've been waiting, too,
For our special someone to come along

And it's changing me
Making me see life in a whole new way
I wake up wondering
What new secrets will you tell today?
Life is full, these days,
Of signs and wonders.

I can't keep
These secrets all to myself
That heartbeat
Is a story to tell.
I'm singing
Because from so early on, I knew
There'd never
Be anyone quite like you.

All the world's waiting for something new
Now that April showers have come and gone
I want you to know we've been watching you
The little star our twinkle has now become

And it's changing me
Making me see life in a whole new way
I wake up wondering
What new secrets will you reveal today?
Life is full, these days,
of signs and wonders.


Each of our lives are ordinary, but I have learned that it is ordinary to be full of wonder and possessed of extraordinary potential. It is normal to have a unique destiny. Life means so much.

"'No eyes has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him.'" 1 Corinthians 2:9

Words of Wonder

Our songwriting group is going to discuss an article by Bob Kauflin, which is actually a chapter from a book, which is, in turn, sort of "proceedings" from a conference. The title of the chaper is: "Words of Wonder: What Happens When We Sing?" and the book is The Power of Words and the Wonder of God, eds. Justin Taylor and John Piper.

Kauflin immediately makes his claim about the importance of music to the church, and specifically, the importance of singing. His lengthy quote of Luther bears repetition, because it sets the tone for the whole essay:

When man's natural ability is whetted and polished to the extent that it becomes an art, then do we note with great surprise the great and perfect wisdom of God in music, which is, after all, His product and His gift; we marvel when we hear music in which one voice sings a simple melody, while three, four, or five other voices play and trip lustily around the voice that sings its simple melody and adorn this simple melody wonderfully with artistic musical effects, thus reminding us of a heavenly dance where all meet in a spirit of friendliness, caress, and embrace...A person who gives this some thought and yet does not regard it [music] as a marvelous creation of God, must be a clodhopper indeed and does not deserve to be called a human being; he should be permitted to hear nothing but the braying of asses and the grunting of dogs.


Kauflin notes: "We may not want to imitatate Luther's attitude, but we do want to imitate his passion for singing - because God himself is passionate about singing." He then goes on to provide proof texts, such as Ephesians 5:19 (part of being filled with the Spirit is singing certain songs), Zephaniah 3:17 (God sings), and Hebrews 2:12 and Psalm 22:22 (Christ "sings," although figuratively).

He then delves into the most important subject of his text, which is the importance of words to singing. He divides Christian attitudes into three categories:
1) Those who think music supercedes the Word - that it is more moving and more important.
2) Those who think music undermines the Word, and would separate them entirely.
3) Those who think music should serve the Word, and he is in this camp. And so am I.

He observes several ways music can serve the Word. First, it can help us remember words. This is very important, because memory is important. What we remember is what we really live by, regardless of what we may "know." I think of songs as ways of speeding up access to memory, like increasing RAM speed (surely in five years this will be an obsolete metaphor).

To make words memorable, Kauflin urges us to "use effective melodies." His example is "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing," which he describes is "a well-crafted lyric set to a memorable, singable, and pleasing tune"(125), and with this I would agree. Sometimes the melody of a hymn can be updated for a new generation, and Kauflin notes this is a good thing, preserving the lyrics for that generation.

Since we remember what we sing, Kauflin urges us to "sing words that God wants us to remember." He quotes Gordon Fee, "'Show me a church's songs and I'll show you their theology'" (126). A thought-provoking question is, what does my church's music say about my theology? A surprising point he makes is that we ought to memorize songs.

To further his argument about the benefits of songs for the church, Kauflin posits that "singing can help us engage emotionally with words." Kauflin describes two ways this works: songs allow us to take more time to reflect on the meaning of words, by adding a celebratory, mournful, or reverent melody music can augment the sentiment of the words we're singing. He makes the familiar point that music alone cannot make a propositional claim; only words are capable.

He then goes on to defend why it is important that songs do affect us emotionally. This was one of the most interesting parts of the paper to me. Kauflin wrote, "The emotions that singing is meant to evoke are responses to the truths we're singing about God - his glory, his greatness, and his goodness. Vibrant singing enables us to connect truth about God seamlessly, with passion, so that we can combine doctrine and devotion, edification and expression, mind and heart"(130). I like this kind of thinking.

The last benefit of singing he addresses is that it "can help us use words to demonstrate and express our unity." Very simply, "[s]inging enables us to spend extended periods of time communicating the same thoughts, the same passions, and the same intentions" (131). In singing corporately, we unite as a corpus - a body. Toward this end, Kauflin advises that we "sing songs that unite rather than divide the church" (131), recognize the functional limits of creativity for church music (132), remember that we are united by the gospel, not music (132) and anticipate singing in heaven (134).

The last point is thought-provoking from a writer's perspective. If I were a strict Reformed theologian, which I'm not, I would believe that the finest works of earth will find their place in God's kingdom. Like I said, I'm not Reformed - as far as I've looked into it I can't quite swallow it all - but I am intrigued by this idea. It has often made me wonder if there are any songs I know today that will make it into heaven's repertoire.

Easter

It has been a good day of thinking about the cross. My husband and I were listening to the Sovereign Grace Pandora channel today, and noticing how many songs we really love seem appropriate for Easter. That, I suppose, is because Easter celebrates one of the central elements of Christianity.

Among a few we really like:
"To the Cross," Paul Baloche
"Wonderful Maker," Chris Tomlin
"Hosanna," Brooke Fraser
"Before the Throne of God Above," Keith and Kristyn Getty
"Glorious Day," Casting Crowns and others

Cross-centered music for a cross-centered life.

This afternoon I was getting frustrated with my kids, as we are all stuck inside due to the rain, and we don't want to get out and impose on any businesses to be open on this day. Sometimes my homely life just plods along, and I confess there are choices I could make to make it more glorious. I could slip into despair by how quickly I fall back into old habits, my selfish, easily-angered, self comes out. I need to hear the gospel at home, not just at church, because I can look pretty good at church. It's at home that I cannot hide from myself, and such moments help me appreciate the profound love of God to save me, knowing my weakness, my failures.

Choir sang this this morning. It was new to me. I like it.



He is risen!

Love is Still a Worthy Cause

It is Good Friday. We had tuna casserole for dinner. Some denominations participate in a tradition to fast from red meat on Fridays during Lent, so I think there will be a lot of other people having fish tonight, as well. I do believe in the benefit of nutritional fasting, but I have been thinking about fasting in another way for the past week or so. I've been studying Isaiah 58, in which God describes a fast that would truly please him.

"Is this not the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard." (vv. 6-8)

I have thought a lot about the oppressed, yoked, hungry, and poor. I believe the greatest and most concerning needs are spiritual. I actually think that the passage in Isaiah was speaking of a physical reality that translates into a spiritual reality this side of the cross. Nevertheless, being with God means making certain choices and honoring certain attributes of God that make a physical, tangible difference in this world. I have studied nineteenth century Christian abolitionists - particularly of the female, American, literary stripe - and admired them greatly for their conviction and commitment to putting an end to one form of human misery because they believed in the value of life.

Sara Groves' album Tell Me What You Know was an encouragement to just jump in. Sara is an artist partner with involved in International Justice Mission's efforts to put an end to human trafficking - modern-day slavery. I heard "Love is Still a Worthy Cause" as a word to those who come lately to such work.

Have you listed all the times you've tried
Do you call on all your alibis
When somebody asks the question why are you hiding

did you feel the pull, did you hear the call
did you take a chance and lose it all
do you fear there's no collateral left for trying

(I know this is rhetorical, but I have to answer. Yes.)

Friend, I know your heart is raw
But love is still a worthy cause
Picking up and pressing on
Oh, love is still a worthy cause
Like the touch that starts the thaw
Oh, love is still a worthy cause
or the word that breaks the pause


Love. It does require that I give of my time and resources that I would otherwise spend on myself. And Isaiah 58 says that when I spend, the Lord will satisfy (v. 11); when I fast from my own pleasure, He will provide the feast (v. 14).

I honestly do not have much to fast from these days. About the only thing I can think to give up is TV time, which is a few hour per week. But that is time to write this blog, and work on a few songs. That is something. I am hopeful that thinking of my life as a fast, in this sense, will direct my steps in more purposeful, intentional, resolute ways. I have noticed my pace quicken and my face brighten since I have begun to evaluate my life in these fat-free terms. In this sense, I have already begun to feast.

Song for Stefan

This past week, my little one turned one year old.

He is doing well, and lately has become a bit more snuggly, which I love, although he mostly addles up to me for a quick squeeze and then wiggles away.

Life definitely gets easier when a child turns one. I remember this same phenomenon with my daughter, Kyrstin, who is just 16 months older than Stefan. It was like magic. Today we all played out in the yard, crawling, toddling, laying down, blowing bubbles. Perhaps that is bliss.

Now that the kids are just a little older, my mind has a bit of breathing room, and I am looking beyond the moment or the hour. For instance, yesterday I actually planned not only what we would have for dinner each day, I also planned what we would have for lunch. This is easier now in part because Stefan can eat most of the same foods the rest of us eat. There was a time when I was making two or three different meals per meal - one for the baby, one for the toddler, one for me. I don't mean to complain, but just to show how there for awhile, life was a blessed mess.

Now that I see more personality in Stefan and more character in Kyrstin, I am naturally thinking more about how they'll grow up and the kind of world they will encounter. Honestly, sometimes I get so broken- and down-hearted. I love our little bubble world, but I know it will soon break. I have to pause as I write when I think of how the world can break their hearts, because I can hardly bear the thought. I cannot control it all. When I think about the future, there is only one place I can put my hope, and it is a great hope.

Sara Groves' song "Song for My Sons" puts it well:

I can't say your life will always go like it should
But I can say that God is always good.

Well, time is short, and child #1 is climbing on me as I write these few lines. The cartoon episode only bought me enough time to write this much.

Speaking of buying, I plan to write tomorrow about spending and satisfaction, and more on Sara Groves' Tell Me What You Know album.

Born to Worship

I just downloaded the Hidden in My Heart scripture lullabies album, which sounds pretty good, although I've not listened in full. A cursory Internet search revealed there are a lot of options for parents who want music they can enjoy with their kids. If music can get to the heart of an adult, help us memorize, meditate, reflect, and praise the Lord, why not make that avenue available for children, as well?

I like the Praise Baby stuff because the songs are chosen and produced well. Also, the songs are those of my generation, and I enjoy sharing those with my kids, especially remembering where I was and what God was teaching me when I first heard that song. Case in point: "Amazing Love." I was at a Passion Conference, learning what it meant to praise the Lord, to have a passion for Him that fueled my life, rather than a passion for activity. I was singing that song with thousands of other college kids, part of the 26:8 generation. I want my kids to be part of that - a generation that seeks His face, because He is worth it, and they will find all they need in Him.

At the same time, they are their own generation, and need their own songs. For now, they can borrow ours, and we can write them new ones.

It strikes me that the songs my kids will love and claim as their own will likely have some kind of viral presence before they are sung at a big conference, or published. The networks of communication will be different. And/or, maybe they will be multilingual/multiethnic. At the same time, as much as music has changed over the past several hundred years, I still claim hymns as my own as well. I love the Passion Hymns: Ancient and Modern album; it's a perfect expression of the connection. I hope my kids sing the old hymns - the good ones (not all) - and learn some of their own.

I shared a hymn with our songwriters' group that I thought was perhaps suited for a children's hymn, because it has a tone of gentle trust and surrender that is childlike and sweet. It is my first foray into children's music. Perhaps I'll return to this territory more as my kids get a little older.

Hymn

Let my life tell a fragrant story to the hearers I walk among
Of the knowledge of the holy; all my resource and wisdom.
Though I cannot convey by the senses all the truth you have revealed
Let my life testify like incense of a treasure within concealed.

Let my words be seasoned with blessings, giving grace to all who hear.
Gentleness in my tone be confessing the sweet truth that You are near.
Let my work be as unto You, Lord: faithful, cheerful, complete, and fair,
So that in whatever I do, your sweet aroma spreads everywhere.

Let the Holy Spirit earnest be the confidence of my hope
The result of redemptive purpose be diffused so that all may know
There is peace that surpasses conception. There is freedom; a soul finds space.
Let my life be a living expression of this story in every place.

Let the ones who beset me with trouble, and the ones who use me ill
See, however they strike me to stumble, God’s right hand upholds me still.
As you modeled supreme absolution, taking sin unto yourself,
Let me trust you for resolution – You are ending all things well.

In Betweens

I don't mind flying but I become a crazy person in airports. It's the waiting, and especially the delays. My son and I made it home from our holiday trip just fine, and now it is January 5, Wednesday. It is not the holidays anymore. The plans I thought I had in place to give me a fresh start when I got home have not settled the way I expected them to. Will this delay drive me crazy, too? It almost did. I confess to 36-or-so hours of denying God's grace to me. He was gentle and comforting, but I was kind of throwing a fit. I begged him to speak to me, and He got me listening to "Petition" from the McCracken album. It brought comfort.

Father what e'er of earthly bliss
Thy sovereign will denies
Accepted at Thy throne of grace
Let this petition rise.

Let the sweet hope that Thou art mine
My life and death attend
Thy presence through my journey shine
And crown my journey's end.

Give me calm, a thankful heart
From every murmur free.
The blessing of Thy grace impart
And make me live to Thee.

Christmas Update

this is the Christ, our God and Lord
who in all need shall aid afford
he will himself our savior be
and from our sins will set us free - "This is the Christ"

As I prepared our Christmas newsletter this year I realized that putting it online was going to give us more flexibility. I hope you enjoy this format! The quotes are from Sandra McCracken’s album In Feast or Fallow, and they provide a soundtrack, if you will, for the year. First, here is the latest on each of us.

Scott - took a new position with the Department of Corrections in March. He has the same title, but different responsibilities at a different facility. His position is part of a grant-funded program, a program which he has worked diligently to implement. He continues to work one weekend a month as a therapist for a children's crisis center. At church he plays bass in the praise team and also helps out in an intellectually challenging discipleship program.

Kim - I stay at home with Kyrstin and Stefan. I am officially in the dissertation stage of my Ph.D. in English, and have a part-time job as an editor which I complete from home. A highlight of my year this year was getting a smartphone. It kind of changes everything!

Kyrstin - She continues to be our sunshine. She began taking only one nap in February, and shortly thereafter contracted RSV which led to pneumonia, but made a full recovery. Our little trooper! In March she started walking, and then adjusted easily to having a brother in April. Kyrstin’s favorite activities include playing in the back yard, reading books, cuddling and wrestling with her parents, dancing, and watching Blue’s Clues. Her favorite things seem to be dogs, cars, and balls. She also likes talking on the phone – and just about anything can be a phone. Whether she is being naughty or nice, she is almost always smiling and irresistibly cute. When we named her Kyrstin Melody we hoped that she would become a singer or musician of some kind. Starting this summer, we began to hear her sing in her high chair, at the piano, and while walking around. Also, we have enjoyed her language development this year. She “talks” all the time and can communicate many things to us. Next stop, potty training!

Most of the rest of this update is about Stefan.

I was made in a hidden place;
There from your love I could not escape if I tried.
In wonder and in a trembling state we wait to meet this child.
I cannot see with human eyes the secret plans you have devised
My heart is full as I contemplate the frailty and the fullness
Oh, I marvel at your goodness to me. - "Hidden Place"

The early part of this year was an in-between season for us. We'd come from a season that was academically busy for me, which meant we all were working hard to raise Kyrstin and keep the house in order, and Scott was getting for a job transition. During this time of waiting, God used scripture to assure us that he saw Stefan and had already planned all of his days (Psalm 139:13-16). We settled on his middle name - Matthew - moments after his birth on April 14. It is Scott's middle name, and means "gift from God." We enjoyed visits from family after the birth.

In the harvest feast or the fallow ground,
My certain hope is in Jesus found.
My lot, my cup, my portion sure
Whatever comes, we shall endure. - "In Feast or Fallow"

On August 18th, over an elegant meal, we celebrated ten years of marriage by discussing highs and lows. God had definitely been with us in the land of our sojourning.

Then, on September 5th, Stefan was hospitalized for three days after having a series of seizures. The weeks and months after that were the hardest of our lives, individually and as a family. For three weeks we were in and out of medical offices, watching Stefan suffer multiple seizures per day, until the proper medication took effect and the seizures stopped. Stefan's neurologist believes that there is a minor dysplasia in the right hemisphere of Stefan's brain which was bound to lead to seizures at some point. The words of Psalm 139 came back to us, and we knew God was with us and for Stefan.

God touched us with human hands during that time, as well. Friends and family volunteered to watch and play with Kyrstin, do housework, and make meals. This was vital when Stefan needed our focused attention. We will never forget that kindness or underestimate what a benefit it provides others. In late September, a friend told us about this album. We listened to this track as a family, and then Scott, Kyrstin and I danced to it, and we endured.

Father for Thy promised blessing still we plead before Thy throne
For the times of sweet refreshing, which can come from Thee alone.
Blessed earnests Thou hast given, but in these we would not rest
Blessings still with Thee are hidden; pour them forth, and make us blessed. - "Give Reviving"

Stefan's personality came back to him, bit by bit. He once again became a smiley boy who likes to "talk." The seizures have stayed away, and our visits to the neurologist have become less frequent because less necessary. Mid-November was a turning poin, and we were ready to have fun again. We hit the road to enjoy a mini-vacation and kick off the holiday season. We have had all kinds of holiday fun, and celebrated Kyrstin's second birthday. It has been a season of refreshing, for sure. Stefan has established a daytime eat/wake/nap routine. It's as though he had to learn to nap again, which gives us hope that he'll learn to sleep through the night again, and we'll be completely refreshed.

Fill your cup at the mouth of the spring,
New wonders we will sing,
As the Spirit blows the embers of our hearts. - "New Wonders"

We don’t know what will be next for us or for you, but we pray that the New Year finds us experiencing God’s mercies anew, singing a new song.

With love,
Scott, Kim, Kyrstin and Stefan

A World Vision

No song today, just thoughts...

Was leafing through this month's World Vision magazine, which featured a story on cihldren's artwork and its ability to restore imagination and provide a means of hope. I believe that is wondrously true - being able to imagine beauty is freeing.

You know what, I can't help bringing up a song here - two songs:

1) Sara Groves' "Why It Matters," which is about human-created beauty, "and its protest of the darkness and this chaos all around," and

2) A song I'm working on: here are some lyrics (a work in progress)

There is a story told throughout the world
There is a purpose; there is growth and design
There is a harmony and poetry of motion
When a flower drinks the rain and hails the sky...

He wouldn't waste beauty
If ashes were enough for us
To know Him completely
And believe in His love...

That's all for the songs. It's all connected. I was reading Psalm 8 in The Message this morning, and my imagination was captured by God's artistry.

Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you;
Toddlers shout the songs
That drown out enemy talk,
and silence atheist babble.

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
your handmade sky-jewelry,
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do you bother with us?
Why take a second look our way?

Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods,
bright with Eden's dawn light.
You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,
repeated to us your Genesis-charge,
Made us lods of sheep and cattle,
even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
whales singing in the ocean deeps.

God, brilliant Lord,
your name echoes around the world.

I love the old English inflections Peterson adds to the poetry here - the compound nouns like "dawn light" and "Genesis-charge." Ancient-sounding, but beautiful.

I just got excited. And it's good. I know that today will be a day of taking a kid to the doctor and taking care of the other who is sick. There was lots of not-beautiful yesterday. I need the Lord to capture my imagination with His beauty this way in the morning so I will not miss it or forget it.

I hear a little one waking up at the other end of the house now. One more thought. I read this morning that an English synonym for the greek word "pistis," which is translated "faithfulness" in Galatians 5:22, is "reality." As I was thinking about moving from my morning reverie to the dailiness of life, I thought, "what is really my reality?" The word is often used to mean "dinginess." Is it possible that reality is actually much better than that?

When I'm With You

I was recently introduced to JJ Heller's Painted Red album, which led me to quickly snatch up When I'm With You, released earlier this month. The title track is a love song, but not the kind I'm used to. I immediately thought, as I listened to it, "This is how I feel about my kids." And indeed, it is a love song from JJ and her husband to their daughter, Lucy. JJ sings about how when she sees her baby smile, her heart aches, "so full it is about to break"; meanwhile, when she sees her baby cry, "it resonates... in a place I didn't know was there." My favorite lyric is the bridge:

Beautiful baby, you're sweeter than strawberry pie
Just like the morning, your smile brings the sunshine.

My baby boy's smile has meant more to me over the past few weeks than ever. About seven weeks ago, he began to have seizures. It took three weeks, four different types of medication, one hospital stay, four or five trips to the E.R., and several to the neurologist to get them under control. Once the seizures stopped and a certain drug wore off, his personality started to come through again, and it warmed our hearts.

We still don't know the cause of his seizures. We know a few more things about his brain now, but they don't really explain what started the trouble. There are more specialists to see and tests to run both where we live and out of town, if necessary. There are still neurological issues to address even though the seizures have stopped; some funny behaviors that weren't there before the seizures. Providing updates on Stefan's condition has proven a challenge. In the midst of his neurological difficulties Stefan has also experienced a great deal of teething pain, a huge growth spurt, and a case of pertussis. Such things make it difficult to put my finger on what he's going through. There have been a lot of night wakings, meaning I'm not sleeping much, and my energy has gone into other things. I got a good night's rest last night and it makes a big difference. I have appreciated all of the inquiries, well-wishes, and prayers. When you love someone so much and are concerned for them, it makes a big impact when other people care, too.

I especially have been touched by my Trinity Baptist Church family. They came to the ER when the crisis first set in, visited us in the hospital, organized and brought meals, all without us asking. The first 24 hours that Stefan was in the hospital, my husband was out of town. Magically, the church organized childcare for my toddler when I had to be away and couldn't really organize it myself. This is a church that not only strives to be faithful in doctrine, but has shown love in practical, tangible ways to our family. We are so blessed to be part of it. I very much think that any sort of present peace we exhibit in this situation comes from the sense of having a "safety net" - that the Lord will not simply let us fall. This sense has derived, in part, from the very focused acts of kindness and selflessness of our church friends. I would especially like to mention Ryan and Kara Polk here, who seemed from the beginning to take our situation to heart, even though it really is not their burden to bear, and they have many of their own.

We don't know what the long-term results will be yet and I'm not sure if/when we will. We were living minute-to-minute a few weeks ago; now we are living day-to-day. I want what is best for Stefan - for him to realize all of his God-given potential, and live life to the fullest. I love him. That is the song my heart is singing right now.

Every day the sky is a deeper shade of blue,
When I'm with you.

Seasons Change

We had an earthquake this morning. In Oklahoma! Everything was still, then the house shook for few seconds, then was gone. My house doesn't seem to have any damage; the only thing I can tell was affected at all is a metal plaque hung in my baby's room that is now slightly askew.

Not coincidentally, I'm sure, I was listening to selections from Crystal Lewis's Beauty for Ashes album, and started paying attention when "Seasons Change" came on. Not a lot of lyrics to this one, and the title is the thesis. But here are verse one and the chorus:

Are you going through a dry spell
Yes I've been there before
Where the trees are slowly withering
Where their roots cry out for more
Where the desert floor is dry and cracked
No clouds hand in the sky
No winter rain or spring it seems
No change in sight

(Chorus)
But seasons change
And then they pass
No way to know how long they'll last
I'd love to know the reason why
But God knows
Seasons change

Our family has been throug a very rough season the past five weeks or so. I am wondering if it will be just like that earthquake. Coming out of nowhere, shaking things up, and then over just as suddenly as it began. In the middle of it it doesn't seem like just a blip. It is completely consuming and the terror is undeniable. One's senses come into sharp focus, and all whole world seems intensified, with every word and event taking on significance. Perhaps during such times are very teachable.

The challenges of the past five weeks have coincided with a literal changing of seasons. It is Fall in Oklahoma, and while this has been an inexplicably jarring season, I have taken great comfort in the beauty of the blue sky, the marigold, crimson, and pumpkin colors of Fall, and the cool breezes. They are gifts from a good God, and I can thoroughly enjoy them, and Him, during this season.

I don't know how long this will last - I think the song is right that there's just no way to know. I know for sure that even if it is over tomorrow it will be just as unforgettable as today's earthquake.

A Good Story

Our family has been going through a very rough time lately due to a major health issue our baby suffers from. This morning I felt the Lord draw me to Laury Story's album for encouragement. The song that ministered to me most was, "Bless the Lord." Here's the video.



There's also a song on there called "Something Beautiful," or something like that. It just asks the Lord to make something beautiful out of her life. That ministered to me, as well. It gave me language for this time when I just don't know what to say. I want these events to turn into a good story - to know/see that it's leading out of this trouble into something refined. One way the album as a whole ministered to me was just to cast troubles in the perspective of an omnipotent - "Immortal, Invisible" God who is there. I needed to hear that.

On another note, the Lord has instructed my heart to be still during this crisis. Here is a playlist of "Be Still" songs, in case anyone needs such a thing in the future:

Be Still, My Soul, Be Still - Kari Jobe
Be Still, My Soul - Amy Grant (hymn)
Still, My Soul Be Still - Keith and Kristyn Getty
Be Still and Know - Steven Curtis Chapman
Be Still - Seeds Family Worship

Selah. :)

Seeds (again?)

I can't remember if I've written about Seeds Family Worship before, but I think I have.

In any case, their music bears repeat mention.

This morning I was doing a devotional about how my thoughts are like a "soundtrack" constantly playing in my mind, and, consequentially, the importance of my thoughts being focused on God's thoughts.

The devotional didn't specify actual music, but obviously music forms real soundtracks. I know that songs are quite often an effective way for me to have a soundtrack of God's thoughts in my mind.

All morning I've had the SFW Seeds of Praise album playing. Myself and my children have been hearing verses from the Psalms, Isaiah, Zephaniah, and Proverbs. Good stuff to meditate on.

I unreservedly and wholeheartedly would recommend the SWF series!

Broken

Driving around town today, I heard this Lifehouse song.

It's thematically similar to "Hanging By a Moment," in that it talks about holding on to God for dear life.

Unlike HBAM, "Broken" talks about hanging on to a last shred of faith, through pain, through brokenness. It's ambiguous whether the pain is circumstantial, such as a death in the family, or internal/spiritual, such as a prodigal period. Though those two conditions are not morally equivalent, they both result in the experience of affliction. In the case of sin, it is a built-in way that God corrects His people (Psalm 119:71). Sometimes difficult circumstances can lead to a period of self-alienation from God, so the affliction is caused by both internal and exteral factors. It is sometimes hard to say where it started. It is something beween the individual and God, and sometimes pastoral care is helpful to sort it out. As the songs says, "In the pain, there is healing." I think that is true of pain caused by sin or pain caused just caused by life. In either case, brokenness follows, and intimacy with God is possible again (Psalm 51:17, Psa 43:18). The song does a good job creating imagery that evokes the miserable, and yet ultimately hopeful, position of a person who finds himself far from God for whatever reason.

The song uses the word "broken" in each stanza to introduce a different idea. Broken clocks suggest the singer's suspense as he waits - for something. In verse two, broken locks convey the futility of trying to shut God out. One of my favorite lines is, "I tried my best to be guarded, but I'm an open book instead." When I try to shut out God - or even other people - I often just wear my hurt on my sleeve. Sometimes I just can't hide. And that is good, because ultimately I need those relationships. The last verse is about driving - literally (around L.A., where the guys live, perhaps) and metaphorically:

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
I haven't forgotten my way home.

That simple but apt figure of speech really caught my attention as I was driving around today. Overall, the song gripped me because of its poetry and its resemblance to real human experience. I really appreciate that in a pop song. I started imagining ways this song could be used in church other than as a song to hear in a car, though that is very valuable. Maybe someone else will have an idea.

Way to go again, Lifehouse. :)

A World Away

My husband and I celebrated our ten-year wedding anniversary yesterday. For our wedding, we gave away compilation CD's that we compiled with jackets Scott designed.

The first few tracks were about going the distance together, trusting the providence of a gracious and faithful God. Included in this group were Andrew Peterson's "All the Way Home," and Big Tent Revival's "Two Sets of Joneses." The CD also included some of our favorite Passion praise tunes, like Agnus Dei, and "You are My King," some goofy stuff like "A Wonderful Guy" from the South Pacific soundtrack, and a few relatively unknown tracks like "Yo Tengo," by Silage ("Yo tengo un amiga whose jazz is superstereophonic..."). The last track is Third Day's "To Be With You," which is about how much God's love surpasses the most passionate promises one human can make to another. We felt at the time that that was a good way to frame our wedding. I think we're still in agreement on that ten years later. :)

Two days ago, I took some time to sit and think through the marriage, and yesterday I looked at this CD. The first track is Avalon's "A World Away," from the album *A Maze of Grace*. I still like that whole album. It's peppy, catchy, and yet still truthful. "A World Away" is even more appropo for our marriage now than it was when we first picked it. Here are the lyrics: Avalon - A World Away lyrics | LyricsMode.com

In the scheme of things, ten years isn't that long, but in the human scale, it is, and especially for our culture, we can say that we've come a long way, baby. The CD is a nice link to the past but I am glad that the songs are also a link to the future. It was fun to recognize that though a lot of things have changed, we're still doing music together, and God is still faithful.

Kindness

My son is three months old today. We are all sleeping through the night, and slowly overcoming our physical weariness. My daughter is over nineteen months, and she loves her little brother very much. She literally smothers him with affection. At times I have to chide her to be gentle with her little brother. I have, ironically, caught myself yelling, "Be gentle!" from across the room.

I have also found myself really struggling with judging myself as a mother. At times I have been low - very low. Feeling like a failure. A horror. There is so much to do - so much to teach her.

When our daughter was very little, I chose life verses with her about intimacy with God. It is important to me that she learn she can be close to the Lord. I know that when I spend time with my daughter, I am teaching her to form intimate emotional bonds with others. I believe this translates into deeper intimacy with the Lord, as well.

Intimacy with Hiim is all that keeps me going. I heard Charlie Hall's song "Kindness" today and it helped me understand even better how no opinion, no judgement, and no blessing, is anything compared to the Lord's. When I am off course, if I am close to Him, He corrects me, sometimes with His kindness. In fact, sometimes the only way I know to trust that what I really need correction is the degree of kindness with which that message is communicated.

I believe the most important thing I can teach my daughter and son is how to have an intimate bond with another human being. I know there is much else to teach. But I want them to learn how to be led by love. There are so many who would lead them with harshness, with chains, and with shame.

When my daughter smothers my son with love, I have to be firm with her when I teach her to be gentle. It is just the nature of parenting. I know the Lord does the same with me.

BTW, Charlie's song was on the "Road to One Day" album, which a few friends and I listened to on said road ten years ago. What a road it has been since then.

Hide Away in the Love of Jesus

My son is not quite sleeping through the night yet. I am weary. In the morning I have to decide whether I will have a quiet time, including prayer and Bible study, or go back to sleep. I've found that half an hour of prayer and Bible study is worth much more than half an hour of sleep.

The past two mornings he has slept a six-hour stretch, and woken up completely ready to go, so my day has begun at 5. The Lord knew what I needed, though, because I got a good nap both days after I had my quiet time. I was so thankful.

I heard the song "Hide Away" this morning, which has the title lyrics of the Sovereign Grace album Come Weary Saints. I certainly can relate to being a weary saint, in every sense the song talks about.

Verse 1 is about actually being worn out and needing the Lord's refreshing. Never in my life before having two kids under two have I so needed, and found, the Lord's strength renewing me, keeping me going, even joyful. I seek His rest often, too. I've got to know my life has a purpose and that I'm fulfilling it. I have felt so ashamed of my own sin that I felt I couldn't keep walking the Christian walk. He has straightened me up. I have felt there was no happiness left for me, and He has brought the joy back.

Something I'm going to ponder is whether or not our culture allows people to really be weary anymore. Maybe it lets you be weary, but never hide away. I know sometimes it is up to me to say, no, I just can't do one more thing. I believe the time will come soon when I'll have to start being very careful so that I really don't overdo it and get really exhausted, or crowd quiet time with Jesus out of my life. This song helps remind me, when I tap into my true weariness, where I need to go.

More Power To Ya'

Everything eighties is new again. A bunch of the old hair bands are on reunion tours.

This post comes in response to the news of the CCM version, a Classic Petra tour , beginning this October in the states.

My husband, who will be celebrating his first Father's Day as a father of two on Sunday, likes to make fun of Petra. He didn't get into Christian music until he was in high school, and then only into alternative stuff. He loves eighties music, so I can't quite figure out why the equation doesn't add up for him.

Regardless, when we were both in college and he was going away on a summer mission trip, I made him a mix tape - that's right, I couldn't make a CD back then - and I included the song "More Power To Ya'", which I have always considered a very encouraging song.

The lyrics are a takeoff on Isaiah 40:29-31, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Come to think of it, it's probably something he needs to hear again as a father of two. Someone needs to cover this song, stat! I nominate Jars of Clay.

You say you've been feeling weaker
Weaker by the day
You say you can't make the joy of your salvation stay.
But good things come to those that wait
Not to those who hesitate
So hurry up and wait upon the Lord.

More power to ya'
When you're standing on His word
When you're trusting with your whole heart in the message you have heard
More power to ya'
When we're all in one accord
They that wait upon the Lord, they shall renew
They shall renew their strength.

Just thinking about this songs makes me feel all warm inside. It's beautiful, and I love it when a rock band does a beautiful ballad. I heard it as a child, which brings back fond memories. I hope that my kids still like some of the music that I like now, and that as a family we can have that connection someday. I bet they'll still like "classic" Switchfoot, TobyMac, and StellarKart.

I really hope I can go to a Petra show. I wasn't a superfan or anything, but so many of their songs still speak to me. I often think of earlier songs like "Computer Brains," "Speak to the Sky," "Clean," and "Not of this World." When I was a teenager our youth group sung a bunch of youth choir arrangements from the Beyond Belief album, so the title track, "Love," and "Prayer" are all in my mental repertoire. I bought the Wake Up Call album, in high school - on tape, I think - and could still sing along with it. Their music is enjoyable and reminds me of truth again and again.

I can't think of a better way to conclude than to say, Petra, More Power to Ya'!

Come, Thou Fount

Sunday was Mother's Day; my first as the mother of two. I feel overwhelmingly blessed to have my husband and kids. I am the lucky one. Thank you, Jesus.

There are so many ways I feel blessed. And yet... there are often times when I feel dissatisfied. I know I shouldn't. This isn't exclusive to my past two years of motherhood. At each point in my life I have struggled. I ought to struggle less now than I did, and perhaps I do. I know better than to think about what I don't have than all that I've been given. Yet, my heart is prone to wander, and inevitably I'll see, read, hear, or even just think something that makes me feel like I ought to have something more.

You know, I'm not saying there's not a really important place for a sort of divine discontentment that seeks more and more of God. I don't mean to contradict any notions of Augustine about how we thirst for God the more that we know Him. So don't get me wrong.

I'm talking about the kind of satisfaction that revels in all that God has done for me. That He exists, is good, has saved me, and as though it weren't enough, chooses to bless me on top of that sometimes. Why? Do I have to answer that question? Can't I just enjoy?

The theological point I keep coming back to is Piper's Christian Hedonism. I'm not sure I'll ever get over it, or want to. I'm not even sure I ever really do it. But I keep thinking, "God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him." So I want to fight anything that makes me dissatisfied with God alone.

When songs are sung about being satisfied in God, I want them to be true of my heart, but sometimes they are not. For instance, the song "More Than Enough" is in point of fact, true. "All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need." I can sing it, and it is true. Sometimes I even feel it. I'd like to feel it more.

That's why "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" is still such a relevant hymn to me. It's a song asking God to make me want to sing about how good He is to me. I need that for my spiritual protection and fruitfulness. I also need to make the confession that my heart is prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love.

Come, thou fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Calls for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it
Mount of God's redeeming love.

I know His unending mercy calls for praise. It is a goal of mine that my heart would be in tune. So come Lord, help me. And while I'm waiting, I will sing this song.

This Peace

My son was born 18 hours ago. He sleeps in the hospital bassinet a few feet away as I steal these moments to write a note, flagging to the world a momentous day in the life of our family. There is so much I'd like to say, and more that I'd like to journal. For now, there just isn't time. Maybe someday there will be time.

I can't remember whether it was Wordsworth or Coleridge who said that poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions recollected in tranquility. If that is true, it helps explain how Sara Groves' song "This Peace" makes sense as a song about feeling grateful and serene about everything that has come to pass and yet not really having the time to write a song about it. Right now this song is running through my head, an expression of what the poet in me is feeling, and a promise of good things to come.

It's a whisper in my ear, it's a shiver up my spine.
It's the gratitude I feel for all that's arrived.
It's the mystery appeal that's been gratned me tonight;
This peace.

No time to paint a picture,
No time to write it down,
Just time enough to breathe it in, and linger.

Welcome, baby boy. I adore you. You can have my time. Here is a picture for the world.

See, what a morning

Though my post is a day late, this song does not come up short.

Best sung by a choir, "See, What a Morning" is a "resurrection hymn" by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend, who are rapidly becoming my favorite writers these days.

It is actually kind of a dreary morning today where I live, but it was beautiful on Easter Sunday, which was yesterday. Yet, the weather is not the point. Easter Sunday as a day on the calendar, in my opinion, is not even the point! Nor is the main issue whether you have bunnies and eggs (we do).

My point is that this song makes the point about the everyday glory that has been the reason for everyday hope ever since the event: "He lives! Christ is risen from the dead!" I suppose I came to believe in the power of the resurrection before I came to actively believe in the resurrection itself. I was challenged at just the right time, a few years ago, and didn't lose hope, but rather pondered how I had always believed it unquestioningly, and whether or not I still could. The world says that a resurrection from the dead is impossible, but there are those in the world who deny God even exists. The world is often wrong, and can be wrong about the most important things.

More or less, I realized I had to actively believe in the resurrection if my faith was going to mean anything at all. I think I already knew enough about the working of God's power to realize that not even death was strong enough to hold out against it. There had been deaths of other kinds that I'd witnessed - the death of joy, of love, of hope - and I'd seen God bring those back to life. In my little heart, that was enough for faith. The world was wrong.

I have not talked much about the song yet. One thing I love about the way this writing team works is that they weave together more than once concept in a stanza or a line. The words are so alive. I little bit of poetic explication is necessary to lead up to a great example.

Verse 1 is about the actual morning, the emptiness of the grave, the completion of God's salvation plan (or maybe it's the furtherance? I won't dither). The second verse is about Mary weeping at the grave, hearing the Lord's voice speak to her, the voice, the writers point out, that will continue to speak until He returns. Isn't God like that - speaking personally and unexpectedly to us when we weep, feeling alone? Verse 3 is about the majesty of Christ, the functioning of the Trinity, and our union with God through Christ. Here's the whole (short) verse:

One with the Father, Ancient of Days,
Through the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty.
Honor and blessing, glory and praise
To the King crowned with pow'r and authority!
And we are raised with Him,
Death is dead, love has won, Christ has conquered;
And we shall reign with Him,
For He lives: Christ is risen from the dead!

Well, out of all that, my favorite line is, "the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty." I just rest in that - my faith is held, covered, by the Holy Spirit, who is at work within me. That's how I can believe in the resurrection, and in the working of His power in the world today. Life is not over when it seems over - we are raised with him. The future is not dull - we shall reign with Him. This is a privilege God has reserved for His children that I don't fully understand, but I know the Bible talks about it and that it must be true. Just haven't looked into it much. I should.

Thanks to the choir and director who led us in this song yesterday. It was truly a glorious morning.


From the album In Christ Alone.

Hanging By a Moment

The words "desperate for" came to mind, and I thought about Lifehouse as I was driving my van toward a routine Dr. appt. I am overwhelmed lately with spiritual stimuli - both blessing and trial - and the Lord has admonished me that if I do not stand firm in my faith, I will not stand at all. A friend today gave me the simple reminder that I needed to remain in His word and in prayer. I feel like I have to be steadfast in all of this. "There's nothing else to lose, nothing else to find." I'm hanging by a moment, and I should be letting go of what holds me back. Letting my soul stand before the Lord, hanging on every moment with Him. Good song, LH.

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....


From the album No Name Face.

So Long, Self

Hello! Sunny day here where I am, after days and days of grey and snow! Soon we are going to have snow again; meantime, spirits are lifted and all feels blessed.

I've been doing some reading for a workshop I'm leading on the role of music in worship. Reading broadly has brought me face to face with the truth that my life is meant to be about worship, and worship is not about me. It's almost comical how often I have to be reminded. I am so grateful for a God who doesn't let me forget, because the less I see of me, the more I see of Him! Hallelujah!

Helping me stay light-hearted on this step in the journey is Mercy Me with their song "So Long, Self" from the 2006 album Coming Up To Breathe. It's written like a breakup song, only it emphasizes that they can't still be friends.

So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don't cry
So long, self

How I wish I were really that free and easy! My "self" is like the crazy girlfriend that keeps calling. And I am like the crazy woman that keeps answering the crazy ex-boyfriend's calls and texts, like I need the attention or something. Oh - to be rid of it! I'm hopeful that if I keep singing this song to myself I'll experience death to self as a greater reality.

So long! :)