Sunday was Mother's Day; my first as the mother of two. I feel overwhelmingly blessed to have my husband and kids. I am the lucky one. Thank you, Jesus.
There are so many ways I feel blessed. And yet... there are often times when I feel dissatisfied. I know I shouldn't. This isn't exclusive to my past two years of motherhood. At each point in my life I have struggled. I ought to struggle less now than I did, and perhaps I do. I know better than to think about what I don't have than all that I've been given. Yet, my heart is prone to wander, and inevitably I'll see, read, hear, or even just think something that makes me feel like I ought to have something more.
You know, I'm not saying there's not a really important place for a sort of divine discontentment that seeks more and more of God. I don't mean to contradict any notions of Augustine about how we thirst for God the more that we know Him. So don't get me wrong.
I'm talking about the kind of satisfaction that revels in all that God has done for me. That He exists, is good, has saved me, and as though it weren't enough, chooses to bless me on top of that sometimes. Why? Do I have to answer that question? Can't I just enjoy?
The theological point I keep coming back to is Piper's Christian Hedonism. I'm not sure I'll ever get over it, or want to. I'm not even sure I ever really do it. But I keep thinking, "God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him." So I want to fight anything that makes me dissatisfied with God alone.
When songs are sung about being satisfied in God, I want them to be true of my heart, but sometimes they are not. For instance, the song "More Than Enough" is in point of fact, true. "All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need." I can sing it, and it is true. Sometimes I even feel it. I'd like to feel it more.
That's why "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" is still such a relevant hymn to me. It's a song asking God to make me want to sing about how good He is to me. I need that for my spiritual protection and fruitfulness. I also need to make the confession that my heart is prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love.
Come, thou fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Calls for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it
Mount of God's redeeming love.
I know His unending mercy calls for praise. It is a goal of mine that my heart would be in tune. So come Lord, help me. And while I'm waiting, I will sing this song.
