Christmas Update

this is the Christ, our God and Lord
who in all need shall aid afford
he will himself our savior be
and from our sins will set us free - "This is the Christ"

As I prepared our Christmas newsletter this year I realized that putting it online was going to give us more flexibility. I hope you enjoy this format! The quotes are from Sandra McCracken’s album In Feast or Fallow, and they provide a soundtrack, if you will, for the year. First, here is the latest on each of us.

Scott - took a new position with the Department of Corrections in March. He has the same title, but different responsibilities at a different facility. His position is part of a grant-funded program, a program which he has worked diligently to implement. He continues to work one weekend a month as a therapist for a children's crisis center. At church he plays bass in the praise team and also helps out in an intellectually challenging discipleship program.

Kim - I stay at home with Kyrstin and Stefan. I am officially in the dissertation stage of my Ph.D. in English, and have a part-time job as an editor which I complete from home. A highlight of my year this year was getting a smartphone. It kind of changes everything!

Kyrstin - She continues to be our sunshine. She began taking only one nap in February, and shortly thereafter contracted RSV which led to pneumonia, but made a full recovery. Our little trooper! In March she started walking, and then adjusted easily to having a brother in April. Kyrstin’s favorite activities include playing in the back yard, reading books, cuddling and wrestling with her parents, dancing, and watching Blue’s Clues. Her favorite things seem to be dogs, cars, and balls. She also likes talking on the phone – and just about anything can be a phone. Whether she is being naughty or nice, she is almost always smiling and irresistibly cute. When we named her Kyrstin Melody we hoped that she would become a singer or musician of some kind. Starting this summer, we began to hear her sing in her high chair, at the piano, and while walking around. Also, we have enjoyed her language development this year. She “talks” all the time and can communicate many things to us. Next stop, potty training!

Most of the rest of this update is about Stefan.

I was made in a hidden place;
There from your love I could not escape if I tried.
In wonder and in a trembling state we wait to meet this child.
I cannot see with human eyes the secret plans you have devised
My heart is full as I contemplate the frailty and the fullness
Oh, I marvel at your goodness to me. - "Hidden Place"

The early part of this year was an in-between season for us. We'd come from a season that was academically busy for me, which meant we all were working hard to raise Kyrstin and keep the house in order, and Scott was getting for a job transition. During this time of waiting, God used scripture to assure us that he saw Stefan and had already planned all of his days (Psalm 139:13-16). We settled on his middle name - Matthew - moments after his birth on April 14. It is Scott's middle name, and means "gift from God." We enjoyed visits from family after the birth.

In the harvest feast or the fallow ground,
My certain hope is in Jesus found.
My lot, my cup, my portion sure
Whatever comes, we shall endure. - "In Feast or Fallow"

On August 18th, over an elegant meal, we celebrated ten years of marriage by discussing highs and lows. God had definitely been with us in the land of our sojourning.

Then, on September 5th, Stefan was hospitalized for three days after having a series of seizures. The weeks and months after that were the hardest of our lives, individually and as a family. For three weeks we were in and out of medical offices, watching Stefan suffer multiple seizures per day, until the proper medication took effect and the seizures stopped. Stefan's neurologist believes that there is a minor dysplasia in the right hemisphere of Stefan's brain which was bound to lead to seizures at some point. The words of Psalm 139 came back to us, and we knew God was with us and for Stefan.

God touched us with human hands during that time, as well. Friends and family volunteered to watch and play with Kyrstin, do housework, and make meals. This was vital when Stefan needed our focused attention. We will never forget that kindness or underestimate what a benefit it provides others. In late September, a friend told us about this album. We listened to this track as a family, and then Scott, Kyrstin and I danced to it, and we endured.

Father for Thy promised blessing still we plead before Thy throne
For the times of sweet refreshing, which can come from Thee alone.
Blessed earnests Thou hast given, but in these we would not rest
Blessings still with Thee are hidden; pour them forth, and make us blessed. - "Give Reviving"

Stefan's personality came back to him, bit by bit. He once again became a smiley boy who likes to "talk." The seizures have stayed away, and our visits to the neurologist have become less frequent because less necessary. Mid-November was a turning poin, and we were ready to have fun again. We hit the road to enjoy a mini-vacation and kick off the holiday season. We have had all kinds of holiday fun, and celebrated Kyrstin's second birthday. It has been a season of refreshing, for sure. Stefan has established a daytime eat/wake/nap routine. It's as though he had to learn to nap again, which gives us hope that he'll learn to sleep through the night again, and we'll be completely refreshed.

Fill your cup at the mouth of the spring,
New wonders we will sing,
As the Spirit blows the embers of our hearts. - "New Wonders"

We don’t know what will be next for us or for you, but we pray that the New Year finds us experiencing God’s mercies anew, singing a new song.

With love,
Scott, Kim, Kyrstin and Stefan

A World Vision

No song today, just thoughts...

Was leafing through this month's World Vision magazine, which featured a story on cihldren's artwork and its ability to restore imagination and provide a means of hope. I believe that is wondrously true - being able to imagine beauty is freeing.

You know what, I can't help bringing up a song here - two songs:

1) Sara Groves' "Why It Matters," which is about human-created beauty, "and its protest of the darkness and this chaos all around," and

2) A song I'm working on: here are some lyrics (a work in progress)

There is a story told throughout the world
There is a purpose; there is growth and design
There is a harmony and poetry of motion
When a flower drinks the rain and hails the sky...

He wouldn't waste beauty
If ashes were enough for us
To know Him completely
And believe in His love...

That's all for the songs. It's all connected. I was reading Psalm 8 in The Message this morning, and my imagination was captured by God's artistry.

Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you;
Toddlers shout the songs
That drown out enemy talk,
and silence atheist babble.

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
your handmade sky-jewelry,
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do you bother with us?
Why take a second look our way?

Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods,
bright with Eden's dawn light.
You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,
repeated to us your Genesis-charge,
Made us lods of sheep and cattle,
even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
whales singing in the ocean deeps.

God, brilliant Lord,
your name echoes around the world.

I love the old English inflections Peterson adds to the poetry here - the compound nouns like "dawn light" and "Genesis-charge." Ancient-sounding, but beautiful.

I just got excited. And it's good. I know that today will be a day of taking a kid to the doctor and taking care of the other who is sick. There was lots of not-beautiful yesterday. I need the Lord to capture my imagination with His beauty this way in the morning so I will not miss it or forget it.

I hear a little one waking up at the other end of the house now. One more thought. I read this morning that an English synonym for the greek word "pistis," which is translated "faithfulness" in Galatians 5:22, is "reality." As I was thinking about moving from my morning reverie to the dailiness of life, I thought, "what is really my reality?" The word is often used to mean "dinginess." Is it possible that reality is actually much better than that?

When I'm With You

I was recently introduced to JJ Heller's Painted Red album, which led me to quickly snatch up When I'm With You, released earlier this month. The title track is a love song, but not the kind I'm used to. I immediately thought, as I listened to it, "This is how I feel about my kids." And indeed, it is a love song from JJ and her husband to their daughter, Lucy. JJ sings about how when she sees her baby smile, her heart aches, "so full it is about to break"; meanwhile, when she sees her baby cry, "it resonates... in a place I didn't know was there." My favorite lyric is the bridge:

Beautiful baby, you're sweeter than strawberry pie
Just like the morning, your smile brings the sunshine.

My baby boy's smile has meant more to me over the past few weeks than ever. About seven weeks ago, he began to have seizures. It took three weeks, four different types of medication, one hospital stay, four or five trips to the E.R., and several to the neurologist to get them under control. Once the seizures stopped and a certain drug wore off, his personality started to come through again, and it warmed our hearts.

We still don't know the cause of his seizures. We know a few more things about his brain now, but they don't really explain what started the trouble. There are more specialists to see and tests to run both where we live and out of town, if necessary. There are still neurological issues to address even though the seizures have stopped; some funny behaviors that weren't there before the seizures. Providing updates on Stefan's condition has proven a challenge. In the midst of his neurological difficulties Stefan has also experienced a great deal of teething pain, a huge growth spurt, and a case of pertussis. Such things make it difficult to put my finger on what he's going through. There have been a lot of night wakings, meaning I'm not sleeping much, and my energy has gone into other things. I got a good night's rest last night and it makes a big difference. I have appreciated all of the inquiries, well-wishes, and prayers. When you love someone so much and are concerned for them, it makes a big impact when other people care, too.

I especially have been touched by my Trinity Baptist Church family. They came to the ER when the crisis first set in, visited us in the hospital, organized and brought meals, all without us asking. The first 24 hours that Stefan was in the hospital, my husband was out of town. Magically, the church organized childcare for my toddler when I had to be away and couldn't really organize it myself. This is a church that not only strives to be faithful in doctrine, but has shown love in practical, tangible ways to our family. We are so blessed to be part of it. I very much think that any sort of present peace we exhibit in this situation comes from the sense of having a "safety net" - that the Lord will not simply let us fall. This sense has derived, in part, from the very focused acts of kindness and selflessness of our church friends. I would especially like to mention Ryan and Kara Polk here, who seemed from the beginning to take our situation to heart, even though it really is not their burden to bear, and they have many of their own.

We don't know what the long-term results will be yet and I'm not sure if/when we will. We were living minute-to-minute a few weeks ago; now we are living day-to-day. I want what is best for Stefan - for him to realize all of his God-given potential, and live life to the fullest. I love him. That is the song my heart is singing right now.

Every day the sky is a deeper shade of blue,
When I'm with you.

Seasons Change

We had an earthquake this morning. In Oklahoma! Everything was still, then the house shook for few seconds, then was gone. My house doesn't seem to have any damage; the only thing I can tell was affected at all is a metal plaque hung in my baby's room that is now slightly askew.

Not coincidentally, I'm sure, I was listening to selections from Crystal Lewis's Beauty for Ashes album, and started paying attention when "Seasons Change" came on. Not a lot of lyrics to this one, and the title is the thesis. But here are verse one and the chorus:

Are you going through a dry spell
Yes I've been there before
Where the trees are slowly withering
Where their roots cry out for more
Where the desert floor is dry and cracked
No clouds hand in the sky
No winter rain or spring it seems
No change in sight

(Chorus)
But seasons change
And then they pass
No way to know how long they'll last
I'd love to know the reason why
But God knows
Seasons change

Our family has been throug a very rough season the past five weeks or so. I am wondering if it will be just like that earthquake. Coming out of nowhere, shaking things up, and then over just as suddenly as it began. In the middle of it it doesn't seem like just a blip. It is completely consuming and the terror is undeniable. One's senses come into sharp focus, and all whole world seems intensified, with every word and event taking on significance. Perhaps during such times are very teachable.

The challenges of the past five weeks have coincided with a literal changing of seasons. It is Fall in Oklahoma, and while this has been an inexplicably jarring season, I have taken great comfort in the beauty of the blue sky, the marigold, crimson, and pumpkin colors of Fall, and the cool breezes. They are gifts from a good God, and I can thoroughly enjoy them, and Him, during this season.

I don't know how long this will last - I think the song is right that there's just no way to know. I know for sure that even if it is over tomorrow it will be just as unforgettable as today's earthquake.

A Good Story

Our family has been going through a very rough time lately due to a major health issue our baby suffers from. This morning I felt the Lord draw me to Laury Story's album for encouragement. The song that ministered to me most was, "Bless the Lord." Here's the video.



There's also a song on there called "Something Beautiful," or something like that. It just asks the Lord to make something beautiful out of her life. That ministered to me, as well. It gave me language for this time when I just don't know what to say. I want these events to turn into a good story - to know/see that it's leading out of this trouble into something refined. One way the album as a whole ministered to me was just to cast troubles in the perspective of an omnipotent - "Immortal, Invisible" God who is there. I needed to hear that.

On another note, the Lord has instructed my heart to be still during this crisis. Here is a playlist of "Be Still" songs, in case anyone needs such a thing in the future:

Be Still, My Soul, Be Still - Kari Jobe
Be Still, My Soul - Amy Grant (hymn)
Still, My Soul Be Still - Keith and Kristyn Getty
Be Still and Know - Steven Curtis Chapman
Be Still - Seeds Family Worship

Selah. :)

Seeds (again?)

I can't remember if I've written about Seeds Family Worship before, but I think I have.

In any case, their music bears repeat mention.

This morning I was doing a devotional about how my thoughts are like a "soundtrack" constantly playing in my mind, and, consequentially, the importance of my thoughts being focused on God's thoughts.

The devotional didn't specify actual music, but obviously music forms real soundtracks. I know that songs are quite often an effective way for me to have a soundtrack of God's thoughts in my mind.

All morning I've had the SFW Seeds of Praise album playing. Myself and my children have been hearing verses from the Psalms, Isaiah, Zephaniah, and Proverbs. Good stuff to meditate on.

I unreservedly and wholeheartedly would recommend the SWF series!

Broken

Driving around town today, I heard this Lifehouse song.

It's thematically similar to "Hanging By a Moment," in that it talks about holding on to God for dear life.

Unlike HBAM, "Broken" talks about hanging on to a last shred of faith, through pain, through brokenness. It's ambiguous whether the pain is circumstantial, such as a death in the family, or internal/spiritual, such as a prodigal period. Though those two conditions are not morally equivalent, they both result in the experience of affliction. In the case of sin, it is a built-in way that God corrects His people (Psalm 119:71). Sometimes difficult circumstances can lead to a period of self-alienation from God, so the affliction is caused by both internal and exteral factors. It is sometimes hard to say where it started. It is something beween the individual and God, and sometimes pastoral care is helpful to sort it out. As the songs says, "In the pain, there is healing." I think that is true of pain caused by sin or pain caused just caused by life. In either case, brokenness follows, and intimacy with God is possible again (Psalm 51:17, Psa 43:18). The song does a good job creating imagery that evokes the miserable, and yet ultimately hopeful, position of a person who finds himself far from God for whatever reason.

The song uses the word "broken" in each stanza to introduce a different idea. Broken clocks suggest the singer's suspense as he waits - for something. In verse two, broken locks convey the futility of trying to shut God out. One of my favorite lines is, "I tried my best to be guarded, but I'm an open book instead." When I try to shut out God - or even other people - I often just wear my hurt on my sleeve. Sometimes I just can't hide. And that is good, because ultimately I need those relationships. The last verse is about driving - literally (around L.A., where the guys live, perhaps) and metaphorically:

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
I haven't forgotten my way home.

That simple but apt figure of speech really caught my attention as I was driving around today. Overall, the song gripped me because of its poetry and its resemblance to real human experience. I really appreciate that in a pop song. I started imagining ways this song could be used in church other than as a song to hear in a car, though that is very valuable. Maybe someone else will have an idea.

Way to go again, Lifehouse. :)

A World Away

My husband and I celebrated our ten-year wedding anniversary yesterday. For our wedding, we gave away compilation CD's that we compiled with jackets Scott designed.

The first few tracks were about going the distance together, trusting the providence of a gracious and faithful God. Included in this group were Andrew Peterson's "All the Way Home," and Big Tent Revival's "Two Sets of Joneses." The CD also included some of our favorite Passion praise tunes, like Agnus Dei, and "You are My King," some goofy stuff like "A Wonderful Guy" from the South Pacific soundtrack, and a few relatively unknown tracks like "Yo Tengo," by Silage ("Yo tengo un amiga whose jazz is superstereophonic..."). The last track is Third Day's "To Be With You," which is about how much God's love surpasses the most passionate promises one human can make to another. We felt at the time that that was a good way to frame our wedding. I think we're still in agreement on that ten years later. :)

Two days ago, I took some time to sit and think through the marriage, and yesterday I looked at this CD. The first track is Avalon's "A World Away," from the album *A Maze of Grace*. I still like that whole album. It's peppy, catchy, and yet still truthful. "A World Away" is even more appropo for our marriage now than it was when we first picked it. Here are the lyrics: Avalon - A World Away lyrics | LyricsMode.com

In the scheme of things, ten years isn't that long, but in the human scale, it is, and especially for our culture, we can say that we've come a long way, baby. The CD is a nice link to the past but I am glad that the songs are also a link to the future. It was fun to recognize that though a lot of things have changed, we're still doing music together, and God is still faithful.

Kindness

My son is three months old today. We are all sleeping through the night, and slowly overcoming our physical weariness. My daughter is over nineteen months, and she loves her little brother very much. She literally smothers him with affection. At times I have to chide her to be gentle with her little brother. I have, ironically, caught myself yelling, "Be gentle!" from across the room.

I have also found myself really struggling with judging myself as a mother. At times I have been low - very low. Feeling like a failure. A horror. There is so much to do - so much to teach her.

When our daughter was very little, I chose life verses with her about intimacy with God. It is important to me that she learn she can be close to the Lord. I know that when I spend time with my daughter, I am teaching her to form intimate emotional bonds with others. I believe this translates into deeper intimacy with the Lord, as well.

Intimacy with Hiim is all that keeps me going. I heard Charlie Hall's song "Kindness" today and it helped me understand even better how no opinion, no judgement, and no blessing, is anything compared to the Lord's. When I am off course, if I am close to Him, He corrects me, sometimes with His kindness. In fact, sometimes the only way I know to trust that what I really need correction is the degree of kindness with which that message is communicated.

I believe the most important thing I can teach my daughter and son is how to have an intimate bond with another human being. I know there is much else to teach. But I want them to learn how to be led by love. There are so many who would lead them with harshness, with chains, and with shame.

When my daughter smothers my son with love, I have to be firm with her when I teach her to be gentle. It is just the nature of parenting. I know the Lord does the same with me.

BTW, Charlie's song was on the "Road to One Day" album, which a few friends and I listened to on said road ten years ago. What a road it has been since then.

Hide Away in the Love of Jesus

My son is not quite sleeping through the night yet. I am weary. In the morning I have to decide whether I will have a quiet time, including prayer and Bible study, or go back to sleep. I've found that half an hour of prayer and Bible study is worth much more than half an hour of sleep.

The past two mornings he has slept a six-hour stretch, and woken up completely ready to go, so my day has begun at 5. The Lord knew what I needed, though, because I got a good nap both days after I had my quiet time. I was so thankful.

I heard the song "Hide Away" this morning, which has the title lyrics of the Sovereign Grace album Come Weary Saints. I certainly can relate to being a weary saint, in every sense the song talks about.

Verse 1 is about actually being worn out and needing the Lord's refreshing. Never in my life before having two kids under two have I so needed, and found, the Lord's strength renewing me, keeping me going, even joyful. I seek His rest often, too. I've got to know my life has a purpose and that I'm fulfilling it. I have felt so ashamed of my own sin that I felt I couldn't keep walking the Christian walk. He has straightened me up. I have felt there was no happiness left for me, and He has brought the joy back.

Something I'm going to ponder is whether or not our culture allows people to really be weary anymore. Maybe it lets you be weary, but never hide away. I know sometimes it is up to me to say, no, I just can't do one more thing. I believe the time will come soon when I'll have to start being very careful so that I really don't overdo it and get really exhausted, or crowd quiet time with Jesus out of my life. This song helps remind me, when I tap into my true weariness, where I need to go.

More Power To Ya'

Everything eighties is new again. A bunch of the old hair bands are on reunion tours.

This post comes in response to the news of the CCM version, a Classic Petra tour , beginning this October in the states.

My husband, who will be celebrating his first Father's Day as a father of two on Sunday, likes to make fun of Petra. He didn't get into Christian music until he was in high school, and then only into alternative stuff. He loves eighties music, so I can't quite figure out why the equation doesn't add up for him.

Regardless, when we were both in college and he was going away on a summer mission trip, I made him a mix tape - that's right, I couldn't make a CD back then - and I included the song "More Power To Ya'", which I have always considered a very encouraging song.

The lyrics are a takeoff on Isaiah 40:29-31, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Come to think of it, it's probably something he needs to hear again as a father of two. Someone needs to cover this song, stat! I nominate Jars of Clay.

You say you've been feeling weaker
Weaker by the day
You say you can't make the joy of your salvation stay.
But good things come to those that wait
Not to those who hesitate
So hurry up and wait upon the Lord.

More power to ya'
When you're standing on His word
When you're trusting with your whole heart in the message you have heard
More power to ya'
When we're all in one accord
They that wait upon the Lord, they shall renew
They shall renew their strength.

Just thinking about this songs makes me feel all warm inside. It's beautiful, and I love it when a rock band does a beautiful ballad. I heard it as a child, which brings back fond memories. I hope that my kids still like some of the music that I like now, and that as a family we can have that connection someday. I bet they'll still like "classic" Switchfoot, TobyMac, and StellarKart.

I really hope I can go to a Petra show. I wasn't a superfan or anything, but so many of their songs still speak to me. I often think of earlier songs like "Computer Brains," "Speak to the Sky," "Clean," and "Not of this World." When I was a teenager our youth group sung a bunch of youth choir arrangements from the Beyond Belief album, so the title track, "Love," and "Prayer" are all in my mental repertoire. I bought the Wake Up Call album, in high school - on tape, I think - and could still sing along with it. Their music is enjoyable and reminds me of truth again and again.

I can't think of a better way to conclude than to say, Petra, More Power to Ya'!

Come, Thou Fount

Sunday was Mother's Day; my first as the mother of two. I feel overwhelmingly blessed to have my husband and kids. I am the lucky one. Thank you, Jesus.

There are so many ways I feel blessed. And yet... there are often times when I feel dissatisfied. I know I shouldn't. This isn't exclusive to my past two years of motherhood. At each point in my life I have struggled. I ought to struggle less now than I did, and perhaps I do. I know better than to think about what I don't have than all that I've been given. Yet, my heart is prone to wander, and inevitably I'll see, read, hear, or even just think something that makes me feel like I ought to have something more.

You know, I'm not saying there's not a really important place for a sort of divine discontentment that seeks more and more of God. I don't mean to contradict any notions of Augustine about how we thirst for God the more that we know Him. So don't get me wrong.

I'm talking about the kind of satisfaction that revels in all that God has done for me. That He exists, is good, has saved me, and as though it weren't enough, chooses to bless me on top of that sometimes. Why? Do I have to answer that question? Can't I just enjoy?

The theological point I keep coming back to is Piper's Christian Hedonism. I'm not sure I'll ever get over it, or want to. I'm not even sure I ever really do it. But I keep thinking, "God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him." So I want to fight anything that makes me dissatisfied with God alone.

When songs are sung about being satisfied in God, I want them to be true of my heart, but sometimes they are not. For instance, the song "More Than Enough" is in point of fact, true. "All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need." I can sing it, and it is true. Sometimes I even feel it. I'd like to feel it more.

That's why "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" is still such a relevant hymn to me. It's a song asking God to make me want to sing about how good He is to me. I need that for my spiritual protection and fruitfulness. I also need to make the confession that my heart is prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love.

Come, thou fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Calls for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it
Mount of God's redeeming love.

I know His unending mercy calls for praise. It is a goal of mine that my heart would be in tune. So come Lord, help me. And while I'm waiting, I will sing this song.

This Peace

My son was born 18 hours ago. He sleeps in the hospital bassinet a few feet away as I steal these moments to write a note, flagging to the world a momentous day in the life of our family. There is so much I'd like to say, and more that I'd like to journal. For now, there just isn't time. Maybe someday there will be time.

I can't remember whether it was Wordsworth or Coleridge who said that poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions recollected in tranquility. If that is true, it helps explain how Sara Groves' song "This Peace" makes sense as a song about feeling grateful and serene about everything that has come to pass and yet not really having the time to write a song about it. Right now this song is running through my head, an expression of what the poet in me is feeling, and a promise of good things to come.

It's a whisper in my ear, it's a shiver up my spine.
It's the gratitude I feel for all that's arrived.
It's the mystery appeal that's been gratned me tonight;
This peace.

No time to paint a picture,
No time to write it down,
Just time enough to breathe it in, and linger.

Welcome, baby boy. I adore you. You can have my time. Here is a picture for the world.

See, what a morning

Though my post is a day late, this song does not come up short.

Best sung by a choir, "See, What a Morning" is a "resurrection hymn" by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend, who are rapidly becoming my favorite writers these days.

It is actually kind of a dreary morning today where I live, but it was beautiful on Easter Sunday, which was yesterday. Yet, the weather is not the point. Easter Sunday as a day on the calendar, in my opinion, is not even the point! Nor is the main issue whether you have bunnies and eggs (we do).

My point is that this song makes the point about the everyday glory that has been the reason for everyday hope ever since the event: "He lives! Christ is risen from the dead!" I suppose I came to believe in the power of the resurrection before I came to actively believe in the resurrection itself. I was challenged at just the right time, a few years ago, and didn't lose hope, but rather pondered how I had always believed it unquestioningly, and whether or not I still could. The world says that a resurrection from the dead is impossible, but there are those in the world who deny God even exists. The world is often wrong, and can be wrong about the most important things.

More or less, I realized I had to actively believe in the resurrection if my faith was going to mean anything at all. I think I already knew enough about the working of God's power to realize that not even death was strong enough to hold out against it. There had been deaths of other kinds that I'd witnessed - the death of joy, of love, of hope - and I'd seen God bring those back to life. In my little heart, that was enough for faith. The world was wrong.

I have not talked much about the song yet. One thing I love about the way this writing team works is that they weave together more than once concept in a stanza or a line. The words are so alive. I little bit of poetic explication is necessary to lead up to a great example.

Verse 1 is about the actual morning, the emptiness of the grave, the completion of God's salvation plan (or maybe it's the furtherance? I won't dither). The second verse is about Mary weeping at the grave, hearing the Lord's voice speak to her, the voice, the writers point out, that will continue to speak until He returns. Isn't God like that - speaking personally and unexpectedly to us when we weep, feeling alone? Verse 3 is about the majesty of Christ, the functioning of the Trinity, and our union with God through Christ. Here's the whole (short) verse:

One with the Father, Ancient of Days,
Through the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty.
Honor and blessing, glory and praise
To the King crowned with pow'r and authority!
And we are raised with Him,
Death is dead, love has won, Christ has conquered;
And we shall reign with Him,
For He lives: Christ is risen from the dead!

Well, out of all that, my favorite line is, "the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty." I just rest in that - my faith is held, covered, by the Holy Spirit, who is at work within me. That's how I can believe in the resurrection, and in the working of His power in the world today. Life is not over when it seems over - we are raised with him. The future is not dull - we shall reign with Him. This is a privilege God has reserved for His children that I don't fully understand, but I know the Bible talks about it and that it must be true. Just haven't looked into it much. I should.

Thanks to the choir and director who led us in this song yesterday. It was truly a glorious morning.


From the album In Christ Alone.

Hanging By a Moment

The words "desperate for" came to mind, and I thought about Lifehouse as I was driving my van toward a routine Dr. appt. I am overwhelmed lately with spiritual stimuli - both blessing and trial - and the Lord has admonished me that if I do not stand firm in my faith, I will not stand at all. A friend today gave me the simple reminder that I needed to remain in His word and in prayer. I feel like I have to be steadfast in all of this. "There's nothing else to lose, nothing else to find." I'm hanging by a moment, and I should be letting go of what holds me back. Letting my soul stand before the Lord, hanging on every moment with Him. Good song, LH.

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....


From the album No Name Face.

So Long, Self

Hello! Sunny day here where I am, after days and days of grey and snow! Soon we are going to have snow again; meantime, spirits are lifted and all feels blessed.

I've been doing some reading for a workshop I'm leading on the role of music in worship. Reading broadly has brought me face to face with the truth that my life is meant to be about worship, and worship is not about me. It's almost comical how often I have to be reminded. I am so grateful for a God who doesn't let me forget, because the less I see of me, the more I see of Him! Hallelujah!

Helping me stay light-hearted on this step in the journey is Mercy Me with their song "So Long, Self" from the 2006 album Coming Up To Breathe. It's written like a breakup song, only it emphasizes that they can't still be friends.

So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don't cry
So long, self

How I wish I were really that free and easy! My "self" is like the crazy girlfriend that keeps calling. And I am like the crazy woman that keeps answering the crazy ex-boyfriend's calls and texts, like I need the attention or something. Oh - to be rid of it! I'm hopeful that if I keep singing this song to myself I'll experience death to self as a greater reality.

So long! :)