My son is three months old today. We are all sleeping through the night, and slowly overcoming our physical weariness. My daughter is over nineteen months, and she loves her little brother very much. She literally smothers him with affection. At times I have to chide her to be gentle with her little brother. I have, ironically, caught myself yelling, "Be gentle!" from across the room.
I have also found myself really struggling with judging myself as a mother. At times I have been low - very low. Feeling like a failure. A horror. There is so much to do - so much to teach her.
When our daughter was very little, I chose life verses with her about intimacy with God. It is important to me that she learn she can be close to the Lord. I know that when I spend time with my daughter, I am teaching her to form intimate emotional bonds with others. I believe this translates into deeper intimacy with the Lord, as well.
Intimacy with Hiim is all that keeps me going. I heard Charlie Hall's song "Kindness" today and it helped me understand even better how no opinion, no judgement, and no blessing, is anything compared to the Lord's. When I am off course, if I am close to Him, He corrects me, sometimes with His kindness. In fact, sometimes the only way I know to trust that what I really need correction is the degree of kindness with which that message is communicated.
I believe the most important thing I can teach my daughter and son is how to have an intimate bond with another human being. I know there is much else to teach. But I want them to learn how to be led by love. There are so many who would lead them with harshness, with chains, and with shame.
When my daughter smothers my son with love, I have to be firm with her when I teach her to be gentle. It is just the nature of parenting. I know the Lord does the same with me.
BTW, Charlie's song was on the "Road to One Day" album, which a few friends and I listened to on said road ten years ago. What a road it has been since then.
