Even if he does not

Right off the heels of a revelation of God's blessing, a spiritually intense - and potentially rewarding - season follows.  I have begun to pray and fast for Stefan and also for clarity on whatever else the Lord may choose to shed light.  So far, what has happened is that the Lord has led me to a verse to pray or meditate upon for my little boy, as well as for my faith.

Today's blessing was from Habakkuk.  Of all unlikely places to end up this morning, I was there, glancing over most of it after a Bible lesson on patience and timing.  These verses from Habakkuk 3 were part of my wedding vows to Scott.

¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

I sort of forgot about those verses until we were on our way home from a playdate.  It really had been a good morning, but toward the end Stefan started throwing fits, and then I got a parking ticket.  It was one of those situations where I was walking up as they were giving me they ticket.  They got some feedback from me.  It was ugly.  I cried from the frustration of the fits and the near-miss at getting the ticket. 

I prayed, and thought about it, and then was kind of okay.  Oh, I'll still try to appeal the ticket.  I think the fine is outrageous.  I'll probably still have to pay, but I gotta speak up.

More importantly (and kind of surprisingly for me to get spiritual about such things) I remembered these verses as I drove.  Okay, so what if I don't have a perfect morning?  What if Stefan still has fits sometimes, and we have to work through it.  Or bigger - I asked myself, "What if God doesn't...?"  What if what I want and what I get are very, very different?  I remembered the three Hebrews who proclaimed to Nebuchadnezzar that their God had power to save them, but even if he did not, they would not bow.  I remember a quote I read a few weeks ago and shared with some friends, "The enemy will always threaten us with what we fear if our faith is conditional." 

My fears often take the form of "What if?" statements.  I realize I need to turn my "What if's?" Into, "Then, God."  I can't deny the situation or bargain with God - I have to trust.  That's what Habakkuk is testifying here - If... then, God.

This has been my story for a long, long time; I may not always share about the lifeless trees and stunted buds, desolate fields and missing livestock.  I need to learn to be more honest about such things; more transparent.  When I fail to be so, it is partly because it is just so uncomfortable for me to share about, and partly because of this commitment, in feast or fallow, to "be joyful in God my Savior," trusting in God's future grace.  Whatever comes... God.

A Worker's Prayer

It has been awhile!  I think I'm doing okay to post once a month. :)

In the past month we've set my son up for some new services, started speech appointments, visited family, and had a bunch of appointments and evaluations.  And of course, we've all worked.  On the house, in the house, outside of the house.

Do you ever have one of those crises where you realize you're never going to get anything done if you don't get organized?  And that things are just going to get worse if you don't do something about it?  I come down with organizational anxiety pretty frequently, and this has been especially so since we moved a year ago.  Since the universe tends toward disorder, it's a constant fight to be productive.  I was going to add, "especially when..." and name off a few things in my life.  Maybe a reader can add their own "especially when ________ " to the comments.  In any case, life always runs more smoothly when you're organized.

That's part of why I was so delighted when I discovered that my husband had set up a work station for me.  I'd been home for several hours before I noticed it, and it was such a sweet surprise.  Not only is it functional, it's cute!  I find that for my purposes, a kitchen table works as well or better than a desk.

All morning today I have had the Getty song "Before You I Kneel (A Worker's Prayer)" on my mind.  It was actually a weird day at work, and for that I am all the more glad the song was on my mind.  As I sit at my new work station for the first time, I want this post to be a dedication to the Lord of the work that will be done here - the correspondence, blog-posting, studying, searching, researching, planning, writing, grading, and generally all of the wordy intellectual productivity that a quiet desk space helps promote.

I love the thought of my work being an arena into which His presence may enter and His grace and glory shine.  It elevates my life and work to something more than just a set of tasks, or worse, machinations in an economic factory.  Work is relationships, toil, process, progress, thorns, possibilities, energy.  Work is really a lot of work. So with the work, I know I must also rest when He calls, which is part of working for the Lord, and not for my own promotion or gain.

I'm just going to post links to the lyrics and a video clip below.  If you think of a way to finish the phrase, "It's especially difficult to be productive when ____________," please post it to the comments section below.  Along with any other comments about the work you do, and how the Lord is part of it.

This post took about an hour to put together.  Even though I could have been doing other things, I felt was important to take them time to dedicate this work station, and I pray that God blesses this time and effort, as well as your time and effort in serving Him today.

The GettyMusic link to lyrics and audio clip: http://www.gettymusic.com/hymns.aspx

Unlicensed video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPVtx_HCpOo

Running the course

I woke up thinking this would be a long day, and hearing Caedmon's Call's "Walk With Me." Here is a goofy video of it: I always admire how well Danielle performs when pregnant. Long night w/sick toddler, appointments to make, IT issues to resolve on behalf of others... My thoughts were punctuated like my plodding steps in the pre-dawn house: One. Day. At. A. Time. I felt like I really just needed to get to my quiet time - it felt vital. It really does restore my soul. I found a little treasure in Psalm 19. It's about the sun, which is "like a champion rejoicing to run his course. It rises at one end of the heavens and makes it circuit to the other; nothing is hidden from its heat" (5b-6). I'm not sure what part gets to me the most. I think part of it is that even the sun just does his thing one day at a time, but he does it really well. I think it's also knowing that a day can only be so long - we'll get through it. Walk with me empty; walk with me strong. This is going to be one of those more empty days, I think, but I am praying for the Lord to supply what I need.

Jesus, Joy of the Highest Heaven

I have a passion for Christmas music, new and old, and especially for new music that I think is good enough that it will have staying power and become "old" someday. I've heard a few new things this year that I think will have staying power. I think the Getty's "How Suddenly A Baby Cries" will hold on, but take awhile to become popular. I also like knowing the story behind a song. It's the Gettys' first Chrsitmas album and their first Christmas with a new baby. I'm sure that for them the Incarnation has taken on new meaning. This song, "Jesus, Joy of the Highest Heaven" is described below the video as a children's hymn. I'm not really sure of the difference between children's hymns and hymns for the rest of us anymore; maybe something to explore for a future post. In any case, I think having children makes you think differently about Jesus, "born as a little baby." I was actually talking to my daughter about how she was once in my belly like baby Jesus was in Mary's belly. This was a new concept to her. She likes it. I've shown her pictures. She has asked if she can get back in my belly. I explain that she is too big now. Here is the video, and below, a brief, non-sacred anecdote related to the above discussions. So, I told the kids, who were sitting in the dining area at their little table, to wait while I went to get the manger so I could talk to them about it. I was referring to pieces of our Fisher Price Little People nativity. When I got over to the nativity, which was just around the corner in the living room, I couldn't find baby Jesus at first. No big deal; last year we lost Mary for several weeks. I've gotten in the habit of praying out loud around the house for all kinds of things, especially when the kids are awake. So, I prayed, "Dear Lord, please help me find baby Jesus." And all of a sudden, I realized that it sounded like the premise of some kind of sermon illustration, Internet forward, or Hallmark movie. And the dread of being that made me pray even harder that I'd find him, and I did. He was down with the knock-off Little People mechanics in a drawer below the nativity perch. Now, I could really go on here about how Jesus would be with the lowly, etc., but that is not the point. Please. The point is that God helped me find the baby Jesus, and I went and talked to the kids about how Mary praised God for getting to be the mother of the most special baby ever. Happy ending.