Step by Step

Ah, naptime. I call it "mommy time." A few hours when things are quiet and I can work on projects, or think.

Time has been telescoping in my mind lately. Every little moment seems huge, and yet I can all too easily look ahead twenty years and realize the world is going to be a much different place then.

My little one turns eight months old today. I've said it before, but people who say time just flies by when you have a baby are speaking from outside the event. Inside the phenomenon, time passes very slowly. There are diapers, feedings, endless nights when you hold her because she doesn't feel well enough to sleep peacefully. There are milestones, moments, pictures, visits from grandparents. There is fear, failure, victory and reward.

All the while, you are loving a little person - a baby, in other words. It has just become clear to my heart that this little person will grow up. In twenty years, I will not be able to just hold her, as much as I might want to, and that thought makes me sad. If I could indulge a single moment longer here, it also makes me sad to think that she won't remember how good we had it when we could just lay on the floor and play together. I have to take pictures to prove it to her. :)

So time passes slowly, still, and yet I can see past the horizon to know that these days are coming to an end very soon. There will be birthday parties, scraped knees, teeth, and - gasp - school! Walking through the school supply aisle today at the supermarket I was thankful we don't have to deal with that just yet.

There will soon be that first step. I admit that I am ambivalent about her walking, per se, because I know once she is mobile I will be worn out chasing her around. Of course I will be proud, though. I imagine that my husband I will both be there and I will let go of her hands as she toddles over to him. I hope it happens that way. :)

My daughter's Praise Baby video features the song "Step by Step," originally written and recorded by Rich Mullins. The video portion features babies taking some of their first steps, which is especially cute over the words, "learn to walk in Your ways." God is in it all, I've concluded. Cradle to grave.

Being mentally transported into the world of my daughter's future also means considering the years of my own life. That makes me think of other lyrics from the song, and I don't think these words are in the Praise Baby version:
Sometimes I think of Abraham
How one star he saw had been lit for me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that no less than he
A star in the Abraham's array - one that waited to be born for thousands of years, one of many. My life is put in perspective with these few lines. In the grand scheme, I am blessed through Abraham, blessed to be a child of the faith. In seeing my daughter's future I get the sense that my life is part of history. I do not understand all of my past and don't know what will happen in my temporal future, but I know one thing remains constant - He is my God, and by His grace I will ever praise Him.