Witness to Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love

A few things came together for me this morning. It started last night with the funny feeling that there would be a lot to look forward to today.  Then, I got to go for a walk this morning, and was thinking about God's great faithfulness on display in every season.  "He leads me beside quiet waters" reverberated in my mind as I walked around the lake.

Then, I remembered how that it was through those words that teh Lord led us to our neighborhood, which led me to realize that today was the anniversary of the date when we first rolled into Sahuarita, Kyrstin and I, at 2 A.M.

And I realized what I was going to do with those flat-shaped white pumpkins I'd bought at the grocery store that morning for $1, and I laughed.

I'd been reading a fictionalalized account of the Israelites crossing the Jordan river, after which they erected a monument of stones collected from the dry riverbed according to God's command.  It was to be a visual reminder for generations to come of the miracle that had allowed their nation to come into the land God had promised them.  I wanted to make a monument, but why, and how?

Thus the laugh.  I decided somehow to make the flat pumpkins into a memorial.  I'm sure there are a lot of different ways to do it.  I thought of several, but only had a few minutes to execute it, so this is what I did.

In the Biblical account, the heads of each of the tribues carry a boulder, so I decided to attach an identity to each of these tokens as well.  I simply painted our names and a simple design on each.  I can use them to tell my kids a story in the future.  Here is the story I would tell about this year.

Stefan has grown and improved so much in behavior and ability.  We are thankful every day, and we are praying and seeking remedies.  Kyrstin has become more calm and loving, and has developed a love of learning.  I painted flowers on mine that kind of also look like butterflies.  For me, the best thing has been a renewed sense of God's word being living and active in me and my family, and to have some friendships beginning to bloom in this desert.  Scott has been active in the church worship ministry.  

Those are blessings all mine, and the ten thousand beside will have to wait because it is late and I need to go to bed!  I am very glad that we are entering into a season of thankfulness so that there will be time to focus on all of God's good and precious gifts.

For today, this is my anthem, this is my song.

This is the day

Working from home always brings the dilemma of how best to multitask and balance work/life concerns. Should I wake up and immediately begin laundry, rotating loads as I evaluate student work or type lesson plans? Will doing some house cleaning help me focus as I work, or do I need to block it out and get to it later? Should I break for lunch? Since I don't have to commute, do I give myself that time, or do I try to get more done? Having an autistic child adds extra jigsaw jags to the puzzle. Will he need to be at five appointments each week? Should we bother to drive the extra hour for the weekly appointment with a specialist in a discipline, or is the net benefit the same if we go with a therapist who is closer, and give ourselves back an hour per week? How will making all of his therapy appointments affect the total amount of attention I can possibly give to my typically developing child, who needs me as much as any child? Having just moved, and having the potential, and desire, to move again, I can become either paralyzed, or anal about making decisions. All of these things were going through my head this morning. I thought, God, I need to have some fun today. Some kind of fun, so I can remember to take life lightly, and to trust. Because deep down, I know that even though all of these things are in flux, God is never less in control than when the choices seemed simple. So I sort of sheepishly determined that I should have faith that God would work it out. That is why I was so blessed to read the short devotional from *Jesus Calling* - the kids version - to my kids in the van on the way to their school this morning. It spoke right to what I had been thinking. You can waste so much time planning your day: trying to figure out what to do- and when to do it. Then, when you think you've got it all just right, something happens. Teh doorbell rings, a friend calls, you start to feel sick. Your whole plan is thrown off, so you have to start all over again. And you forget all about Me. There is a much better way. Tune in to Me. I have everything under control: My control. Instead of trying to plan everything, let Me show you what to do now and next. Then you will be free to enjoy Me and the day I have prepared for you. I was thrilled and rejoicing on the way to the kids' school this morning. As I had laid in bed this morning, I prayed that God would teach me to have faith, and build our family faith. This little word was one small step, and believing it will be a giant leap in the right direction.

Thus far the Lord has helped me

I read this week in my bible study about how when Noah emerged from the Ark one of the first things he did was to set up an altar and worship God.  Well, we have made it to this point in our journey, and thus far, the Lord has helped us.  So this post is a notch in the tree to help me think on all of God's blessings.

Here are a few specific things He has helped us with already:

- getting my husband a job
- finding us a place to live
- finding buyers for our house
- helping us find a church
- actually physically getting out here
- finding us a really great grocery store (sounds silly but I love it)
- sweet reunions with family once we got out here

These are some pretty big pegs.  I was challenged to change my thinking earlier this week.  One of the things the Lord used was this oldish song by Out of the Grey, which I heard on my TV's "Contemporary Christian" channel.  Good songs have staying power, and I'm glad the Lord brought this one out of the dust as a mile marker for me.

This Day Takes the Cake

Some days take faith.

Scratch that.  Every day takes faith.  Some days I just don't have it.

You see, I started off well.  Got a Word from the Lord this morning.  Had coffee.  Got everything ready for the kids.

Then it all caught up with me.  I'm not entirely sure what happened.  I think it had something to do with the lack of sleep and the excess of caffeine I'd ingested.  The word from the Lord was real; the spirit was willing, the flesh was weak.

Sometimes my faith is also weak.  It was one of those days.  A freak-out day.  One where I'm not entirely sure to what degree the thing on which I'm fixated is of my own invention.  One thing is for sure: I stressed my daughter out by getting so stressed out myself.  Another thing: I felt a lot better after a nap.

After said nap, I knew I needed to make a cake.  Just knew.  Also, knew I needed to watch a movie.  So I got one from RedBox - my anniversary freebie! - had my cake, and am now going to just chizill.  

Someday, it will all be funny... I hope?

Chocolate is no substitute for (temporary interruption here as I confiscated something from my son who is supposed to be sleeping) spiritual victory, but it is a real consolation for sore nerves.  Notice I am not really referring to the cake, which is just a shelf for the real goodness to shine from (basic Hershey's frosting recipe - check it out here).

Two thoughts help me put a lid on this day.  One, a little bread cast on the waters this morning: 2 Samuel 22:20b, "He resuced me because he delighted in me" (NIV).  That is the unmerited favor of God.  I told my husband this morning I was encouraged that it didn't say, "He rescued me because I am awesome." 

Second thought is a song (at last!): "Shifting Sand" by Caedmon's Call.  Been running through my head as I made my cake.

My faith is like shifting sand

Changed by every wave

My faith is like shifting sand

So I stand on grace

I'm intrigued and confused by the sepia-toned, Chinese boarding-school images.  Or maybe the Philippines - that seems more likely.  You know, I've seen so much, I explain it away.  The song stands on its own.

With a sigh of relief I shall now sink into the couch to watch my movie.  Every day takes faith.  This one took  the cake.  

I will sing with my mind

Sophomore year of high school, my English teacher had us put together poetry notebooks.  We were to collect examples of genre, meter, rhyme scheme, figurative language, etc.  One of the poems I chose was "Love is Like Sounds," by Donald Hall.

Late snow fell this early morning of spring.
At dawn I rose from bed, restless, and looked
Out of my window, to wonder if there the snow
Fell outside your bedroom, and you watching.

I played my game of solitaire. The cards
Came out the same the third time through the deck.
The game was stuck. I threw the cards together,
And watched the snow that could not do but fall.

Love is like sounds, whose last reverberations
Hang on the leaves of strange trees, on mountains
As distant as the curving of the earth,
Where snow still hangs in the middle of the air.

My 15-year-old self had trouble with this poem, and my teacher helped me understand that is about how feelings can linger for a long time, frozen and unaffected by time.  

This morning the landscape is dusted with our first winter snow, and I found myself thinking of this poem.  It has stuck with me for almost 20 years.  It wouldn't have if it weren't for two things: the striking imagery, and the fact that someone interpreted it for me.

I was reading 1 Corinthians 14 this morning, which talks about the usage of gifts in the body - particularly speaking in tongues.  The emphasis is upon its value as edification; the message must be intelligible, or else the only person edified is the messenger.  Then when it is interpreted, the listeners are to carefully weigh what was said.  I'm not sure what that means; if they are to judge it, or if they are to think about applying it; assuming it is spirit-led, though, it must be the latter.

Twenty years later I'm involved in writing songs and helping others do the same.  I think there are three important goals to emphasize with songwriting; one is spiritual, one is artistic, and one is in-between.

1) The songs must be intelligible.  This is both an artistic and spiritual concern.  That does not mean that they have to be simple, but they do need to be coherent and consistent.  If the writer is the only one who understands it, it is merely a personal language and communication is lost.

2) The songs must be edifying.  This is a spiritual concern and relates primarily, though not exclusively, to content.  The poem above is not something I would want or expect to be read in a church service.  I suppose it is on the distant horizon of edification, because it is life-affirming to the degree that it recognizes that love and pain are real.  But it is also a bit wallowy.  There are probably more edifying responses to such pain.  I read somewhere the other day that Satan is the enemy of all life.  He says death to creativity, to hope, to the value of personhood, to the soul.  I would say that music that does so, in form or content, is not edifying.  This takes discernment, because songs are complex, but it is still one of the right questions to ask.

3) The songs must be good.  This is an artistic concern.  If Donald Hall were not a good poet, I would not remember his poem 20 years later.  It wouldn't make me slightly sad when I look at snow, and remember my sophomore year of high school.  There are a lot of ways to say "feelings can remain frozen and unaffected by time," but the particular way in which he said it, made me remember it.  Christian lyrics should do the same - strive for artistry so that the song can linger with a person and continue to build them up through the years.

I always find 1 Corinthians 14:15 encouraging,"I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind." The whole chapter and the preceding two are about how God gives many gifts in the body.  I am grateful that in a small way that music can - and must - be used to edify.

Hold Me, Jesus

Tonight our associate pastor preached a very profound, but at the same time, practical, message, based on John 10:10. Profound in the sense of what the enemy it out to do, practical in the sense of what I can do. Pray. Read the Bible. Be intentional. I was thinking of my daughter the whole time. I have grave concerns about her happiness and spiritual influences. I felt so burdened by life, and kept thinking of this song by Rich Mullins. (Not sure what's going on with the video, but there it is.) I have been surprised lately by how much ordinary life counts in God's scheme of things. I kept thinking that what the pastor was speaking of referred to the events of my life: raising kids, being involved in ministry, dealing with hurts I've received and inflicted. It keeps surprising me, to find that faith is required for ordinary life.