Sweet Hearts

Happy Valentine's Day!  It has been a very chocolatey day around here.  We started with chocolate-chip heart-shaped pancakes.

This was a successful pancake experiment.  I used the standard BHG cookbook recipe.  Sometimes it does work (see prior post about experimenting with pancakes for backstory).

At dinner we had brownies, and my husband gave me a big box of chocolate.  Unexpected!  Notice there is already one missing.

Tonight our family had a candlelight dinner.  We gave the kids little presents and let me know how much we loved them.  I got this idea from Sarah, the Character Mom.  Check out her blog at http://thecharactermom.blogspot.com/ .  She has a monthly newsletter full of ideas on how to teach one character trait per month; it's been a great resource for us these past few weeks.  The Funky Sheep of a prior post were an idea that came directly from her.

Here is my little sweetheart and me tonight. We got a little dressed up for our "family party."  This just became one of my favorite pictures.

So, it has been a sweet Valentine's Day, full of sweets.  There is another kind of sweet heart I've been thinking of, and that is the kind that is pure of bitterness.

I had the privilege of hearing a speaker this week who discussed finding grace for the seasons of life.  During one of her sessions, she spoke about bitterness, and about how to run to God once you've been running away.  So much of what she said helped me understand passages of my life.  Two things that stood out were that sometimes going numb is the response of bitterness, and that sometimes you can run away from God without anyone knowing because you are such a well-trained Christian; I believe "housebroken" was the word she used.  I don't want to go back to being bitter.  I want the Lord to sweeten my heart so I can continue to walk in grace.

Since the retreat, I've been thinking of this Natalie Grant song, which is in the repertoire of one of my voice students.  As such, I have thought about every word.

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned sovereignty
And had my share of doubt

Check. :)

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams
And though it seemed 
That I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's grace I'm standing on.

Praise the Lord, yes.  Check.

And the chaos in my life has been a badge I've worn
And though I have been torn
I will not be moved.

Those last three lines - the bridge - have made me think a lot.  Chaos can bring bitterness.  It did me.  I'm not sure why that is.  In any case, I feel like the thing to do now is move forward.  I look back and see how even in the bitterest of my bitterness, He was there, sweetening, drawing me to Him.  I just love Him for that.  I may stumble, I may fall down; I will make mistakes, I will face heartaches.  By grace, He will not let me go.

I will sing with my mind

Sophomore year of high school, my English teacher had us put together poetry notebooks.  We were to collect examples of genre, meter, rhyme scheme, figurative language, etc.  One of the poems I chose was "Love is Like Sounds," by Donald Hall.

Late snow fell this early morning of spring.
At dawn I rose from bed, restless, and looked
Out of my window, to wonder if there the snow
Fell outside your bedroom, and you watching.

I played my game of solitaire. The cards
Came out the same the third time through the deck.
The game was stuck. I threw the cards together,
And watched the snow that could not do but fall.

Love is like sounds, whose last reverberations
Hang on the leaves of strange trees, on mountains
As distant as the curving of the earth,
Where snow still hangs in the middle of the air.

My 15-year-old self had trouble with this poem, and my teacher helped me understand that is about how feelings can linger for a long time, frozen and unaffected by time.  

This morning the landscape is dusted with our first winter snow, and I found myself thinking of this poem.  It has stuck with me for almost 20 years.  It wouldn't have if it weren't for two things: the striking imagery, and the fact that someone interpreted it for me.

I was reading 1 Corinthians 14 this morning, which talks about the usage of gifts in the body - particularly speaking in tongues.  The emphasis is upon its value as edification; the message must be intelligible, or else the only person edified is the messenger.  Then when it is interpreted, the listeners are to carefully weigh what was said.  I'm not sure what that means; if they are to judge it, or if they are to think about applying it; assuming it is spirit-led, though, it must be the latter.

Twenty years later I'm involved in writing songs and helping others do the same.  I think there are three important goals to emphasize with songwriting; one is spiritual, one is artistic, and one is in-between.

1) The songs must be intelligible.  This is both an artistic and spiritual concern.  That does not mean that they have to be simple, but they do need to be coherent and consistent.  If the writer is the only one who understands it, it is merely a personal language and communication is lost.

2) The songs must be edifying.  This is a spiritual concern and relates primarily, though not exclusively, to content.  The poem above is not something I would want or expect to be read in a church service.  I suppose it is on the distant horizon of edification, because it is life-affirming to the degree that it recognizes that love and pain are real.  But it is also a bit wallowy.  There are probably more edifying responses to such pain.  I read somewhere the other day that Satan is the enemy of all life.  He says death to creativity, to hope, to the value of personhood, to the soul.  I would say that music that does so, in form or content, is not edifying.  This takes discernment, because songs are complex, but it is still one of the right questions to ask.

3) The songs must be good.  This is an artistic concern.  If Donald Hall were not a good poet, I would not remember his poem 20 years later.  It wouldn't make me slightly sad when I look at snow, and remember my sophomore year of high school.  There are a lot of ways to say "feelings can remain frozen and unaffected by time," but the particular way in which he said it, made me remember it.  Christian lyrics should do the same - strive for artistry so that the song can linger with a person and continue to build them up through the years.

I always find 1 Corinthians 14:15 encouraging,"I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind." The whole chapter and the preceding two are about how God gives many gifts in the body.  I am grateful that in a small way that music can - and must - be used to edify.

Martha Speaks

Kyrstin enjoys a PBS cartoon called "Martha Speaks."  The premise is so utterly simple, you wonder that it even got to TV.  Martha, a dog (who looks like a golden retriever) ate some alphabet soup one day, and instead of it going to her stomach, it went to her head, and she started talking.  And talking.  And talking!  She speaks mostly in monologues, and while she is very articulate on a variety of matters, she often uses her voice to request her dinner.  "Steak!  Steak!"

When I feel like I've been sending my husband so many text messages without a reply that it becomes a monologue, I'll text "Steak! Steak!" He understands.

Speaking of amazing transformations, I have mentioned in prior posts that I'm slowly making may way through Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World,  by Joanna Weaver.  I was particularly encouraged by what Weaver describes as Martha's teachability (Martha from the Bible story, not the talking dog, of course).  Sure, when we first see her she is the harried, task-oriented older sister who derided the younger sister's preference to sit at Jesus' feet and learn.  But she learned, too.  When Jesus came back after her brother Lazarus died, he addressed her.  "I am the resurrection in the life... Do you believe this?" And she replied, "Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the son of God, who was to come into the world." Weaver notes that "scholars call this declaration one of the most incredible statements of faith in Scripture, for it cuts to the very essence of who Jesus was and is" (143).  Then she fetched her sister to come see Jesus.

As Weaver describes it,  "The anxious, demanding Queen of Everything is gone" (144).  Yet, what encouraged me most was that she was still Martha.  While she was being herself, God changed her heart.  It blessed me.  There are bitter, anxious words of Martha's in the Bible, but there are also these words full of faith and an act of encouragement.  It is an encouragement to me to see this transformation.

No recipe for happiness

There are shows like America's Test Kitchen, where the chefs try stuff out and explain what works, and there is Elton Brown on TV explaining why these aminos and those carbohydrates result in this product.  But have you ever noticed how decidedly unscientific cooking can be?  Specifically, how no one ever reports on the failed experiments?  I'm no scientist - it is not my calling - but I know that generally you start out with a hypothesis, then propose an experiment, describe the materials and procedure, describe the results, and then analyze the data.  Sometimes your hypothesis is proven and sometimes it is disproven; sometimes it is not disproven.

So today I started with a working hypothesis that I could make whole wheat pancakes from scratch without a recipe and that they would turn out delicious.  Like I said, no scientist, but I do love to cook.  So, it was an experiment, and one that I pretty much needed to work since I was making breakfast.  I think part of the scientific method - or at least write-ups of experiments - involves providing some background.  Background: I love pancakes, but cannot consistently make them well.  If it's not bisquick, they are often flat or unevenly browned.  Also, I am on a health kick, under conviction that my family must eat better.  Furthermore, it was a rough night with my son, so as he slept in, I decided I would have a special moment with my daughter and make whatever she wanted, hoping she wouldn't ask for waffles, because the Bisquick ones are unsatisfactory and from scratch is a pretty involved process (though they are delicious).  I know that applesauce is a good substitute for fat in baking, but we don't have any, so I decided to use nonfat vanilla yogurt.

Here is the recipe:

Whole Wheat Yogurt Pancakes

1 C WW Flour

1/2 C AP flour

1 t baking soda

1 t baking powder

1 t salt

1 C milk

1/2 C nonfat vanilla yogurt

1 t cinnamon

1 t vanilla

2 eggs, beaten

Mix all dry ingredients, and make a well.  Mix all wet ingredients, pour into well, and stir.  Pour by 1/3- 1/2 cups onto 300 degree griddle.  These pancakes take a long time to bake; maybe 4 minutes per side.  But they do cook all the way through.

Results:

I was very pleased with how evenly they turned out; they were thick but they cooked all the way through and did not burn.  They tasted good, but were kind of shiny and rubbery on the edges.  

Analysis:  I assume the shininess and rubberiness was because of subbing yogurt for fat.  Kids liked them just the same; happy-face shape was a success.

Conclusion: In the future, I will stock oatmeal and wheat germ so I can make WW pancakes per recipes I know will work.  Also, hypothesis that I could create a great pancake recipe from scratch was proven to be wishful thinking.

Obsolete

Well, I admit it.  I am not cool.  I am also reminded constantly that it is no longer my generation's moment - the torch has passed.  Or so I think...

I'm kind of confused as to what "generation" I belong to.  I have heard Generation Y described as those born 1978-1999.  If so, I am Gen Y's elder sister.  If it starts with 1980, I am the littlest X'er.  Both seem right to me.  I alternately feel like both Meg and Amy.

Part of this has come from the realization that younger people are doing cooler things than me, and that they do not speak my language and I do not speak theirs.  It's kind of painful.  I want to connect but feel... obsolete.  Like I have to think of all new metaphors, and they have to translate through Twitter.  I just can't keep up.

I wonder if anyone can.  I heard a college freshman the other day say something to the effect of, "Older generations complain that we do everything too fast.  Why do they complain about us being fast?  Why don't they just let those of us who are fast do our thing, and the slower ones just get out of the way?"  I doubt the guy was aware of the social darwinism of that statement.  I think he just likes speed - as do I - and I think he is 18 and hasn't found his limit.  One day he will sing a different tune.

I don't think it will be a day too far off, either.  Gen Y faces a volatile job market that will require various lateral moves, constant self-upgrading, and geographical mobility to stay on top of the game.  Sooner or later, most people will find themselves obsoletized.  We all know this, but Gen Y'ers are going to have a harder time dealing with it.  The advantage of ten years gave my husband a stable career, and even then, we are never entirely certain of what the future will hold.  It is going to require a lot more creativity on the part of the the new workforce.

Sara Groves' song "obsolete" bridges the generations, who may have different comfort or familiarity levels with the current technological/social media network situation, which she wisely dubs "invisible emppires," but who all have to wonder if they're able to keep up and remain relevant.  I've posted a live performance below, which is beautiful.  A few of my favorite lines and then you can just watch it:

It's hard to feel disqualified
For living in a different time
As if the train will only stop
For the current paradigm


Sara Groves performing Obsolete in Indy. Hosted by Onyx Ministry from Onyx Ministry on Vimeo.

Funky Sheep

I am trying to be more intentional about teaching my kids, and was blessed by a referral to a resource for teaching one character trait per month that gives ideas but allows for a lot of flexibility.  I just started planning in earnest for this yesterday, and started implementing it today.  Already, I am amazed by how much I have learned.

This month's trait is gentleness, and a very timely lesson, indeed.  A lot of the activities are sheep-centric, because Jesus leads us gently as the good shepherd.  Well, like I said, I just started this today, and it's been great, but I was scrambling a bit.  Thus, we made a sheep with colorful pom poms instead of the usual cotton balls.  These are sheep of a different color.

It so happens that I was talking to a friend today about a common experience we've had with children who are difficult to figure out.  It's hard to know quite what to expect or how to feel; in other words, it's not all black and white with these sheep.

I think one thing I've learned so far from this material that helps in this situation is that the Lord is my shepherd, too.  He cares for me as I care for my little flock; "He gently leads those that have young."  He understands what my kids need even when I don't, and has mercy on me when I can't figure it out.  I've been thinking a great deal about  how gently the Lord has led me, and how that is some second-hand grace I can pass along to my funky flock.

Beyond Belief

I don't know why, but when I woke up with one of my kids at 2:00 this morning, this song came to mind.  After watching the video, I'm so glad it did.



Watching the video, I remembered that my 2 AM thought was of the line, "waters never part until our feet get wet" (whoa-oa-oa).

I know this song by heart because my junior high/high school youth choir sang through the Beyond Belief songbook.  It was a four-part harmony with an accompaniment track that sounded pretty much like the original recording.  It was totally awesome.

What is even more fun is that as I was watching the video, it not only sounded, but looked familiar.  That bewildered young man is getting lost and running out of gas along roads that I drove to youth camp or other getaways while growing up in Arizona.  I was pretty sure it was Arizona, though willing to admit it could be Utah, Nevada, California, or New Mexico, until John Schlitt set the young man straight by pointing around at the map of Arizona.

Petra is awesome, and so is this video.  Oh, hey - Petra means rock, so it just occurred to me that there is a visual pun in the setting.  I just thought it was a way of evoking a "higher place...where we reach the next plateau." Anyway, I love all the cactii, and I love the parts where the guys are standing at different levels on those rocks, which make a very cool stage set.  There is a refreshing lack of fog machines, strobe lighting, and heck, even electricity, in this video.  Does make you wonder where the electric guitar and keys are getting their power, but no worries.  Petra is awesome.

There are several Petra songs that have stuck with me my entire life, and this is one of them.  The lyrics wouldn't have lept into my mind at 2AM otherwise.  Speaking of leaps:

Leap of faith without a net
Makes us want to hedge our bet
Waters never part 
Until our feet get wet.


That is such good writing!  Notice the allusion to Joshua 3, when the Jordan river began to back up as soon as the priests' feet touched the water.  You wouldn't need to know that for this to be cool, but still.  The song opens with an allusion to the mount of transfiguration, when Peter sees Christ glorified and wants to build a few tents and dwell there.  Awesome.

I must say that even the plot line of the video encouraged me.  Kid gets a flat, someone helps him.  Kid runs out of gas and can't pay, someone covers it.  Kid gets pulled over (for speeding?), is let off with a warning.  Kid gets lost, is redirected by John Schlitt.  It's like the band takes the place of the Holy Spirit, or of angels. (hey, a band of angels).  I don't really know why I woke up at 2 AM and this song came to mind, but it is encouraging to be reminded that

There's a deeper place to go
Where the road seems hard to hoe
He who has begun this work 
won't let it go.
(Let it go)


Awesome.  More power to ya'!

Of its work I do sing

I have the privilege of being a student in a weekly interdenominational Bible study of women in my area.  Right now we are working our way through 1 Corinthians, and coming across the passages where Paul chides the Corinthian believers for their party spirit.  "One of you says, 'I follow Paul'; another, 'I follow Apollos'; another, 'I follow Cephas'; still another, 'I follow Christ.' Is Christ divided?" (1:12-13a). In this passage, and others like it, Paul turns immediately to the cross as the object and subject of his teaching: "We preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God" (1:23-24).  Our interdenominational group is a blessing and a joy precisely because the leadership are united in looking to the cross.

I also have the privilege of leading worship from time to time, and I was listening through the set list for our church's upcoming Women's Retreat.  My friend Misty and her husband Dave have put together a delightfully cross-centered set.  There are a hundred reasons to sing about the cross.  Unity is, I think, not the chief of them; it is a by-product of the supremacy of Christ and the centricity of the cross in the Christian life, which are the more legitimate reasons.  Still, unity is a precious peaceable fruit.

I really wanted to share here a video of a cross-centered song I'd had on my mind; "Sweetly Broken," by Jeremy Riddle (but I cannot find a licensed version) .  I love the lyric, "To the cross I look, and to the cross I cling/ Of its suffering I do drink/ Of its work I do sing."  I can never sing too much of the cross and am grateful for singers and musicians who find fresh ways of drawing my heart gently to its knees through song.

Dreaming of Jubilee

A friend gave me a copy of an article from Christianity Today about the Jubilee Singers of Fisk University.  Fisk was one of several institutions established by Arthur and Lewis Tappan's American Missionary Society to "educate, uplift, and elevate" freed slaves.  Such institutions were poorly funded, and the Jubilee Singers were a choir of black men and women who went on fundraising tours on behalf of Fisk, performing to mostly white audiences.  The article notes that while they intended to prove that freed slaves were capable of performing "the best of the Western musical canon," it was the spirituals that had the profoundest effect on their audiences, which led to a revised program focusing on "slave songs of faith."

One short paragraph in the article really struck me; the author, David Neff, says that the songs of the Jubilee Singers "gave white audiences a striking vision of Christ's liberating power," and their vision "gave hope that those with other bondages might experience their own exodus."

My friend gave me a copy of this article because it mentioned Henry Ward Beecher, who gave his endorsement to the group, thereby legitimizing it in the eyes of white audiences.  My friend knows that I am a fan of all things Beecher or Stowe, and that Harriet Beecher Stowe is my hero and the focus of my research.  I am particularly interested in the emphasis on literacy of some nineteenth-century Christian abolitionists.

As this blog attests, I also love Sara Groves, and especially  her new album, Invisible Empires.  I could blog about what every single song means to me - and I may, eventually - but today is special, because it's not about me.  Today it is about how one of her songs always reminds me of some friends.   Sara wrote this song to encourage her friends at International Justice Mission, an organization that advocates and intervenes to end the modern-day slavery of human trafficking and sex trafficking.  The song is "Eyes on the Prize," which is a re-make of a civil rights song. Just as the Jubilee singers' music embodying one form of freedom could anticipate another, I think this song can encourage all who seek to end systemic injustice in Jesus' name, starting with the conviction that human beings are innately valuable because they are made in the image of God.  This was the motivating force behind the efforts of the Tappans, of Stowe, and of Wilberforce.  Here is Sara performing a live version, and here is a link to her telling the story behind the song.




I have many friends who friends who are involved in a present-day abolitionist movement.  Inspired by William Wilberforce and other Christian abolitionists, they are seeking the abolition of human abortion in the culture - particularly United States culture.  Today seemed like an especially good day to dedicate this song to these friends, considering some disappointing events in the news.  It took Wilberforce, acting with a cast of supporting characters, most of a lifetime and an entire political career to effect the abolition of slavery in the UK, but it happened.  The way is slow, and perhaps not always linear.  Jubilee is the dream.  Your work is good.

What have I to ask beside?

All the way my Savior leads me,

Cheers each winding path I tread;

Gives me grace for every trial,

Feeds me with the living Bread.

Though my weary steps may falter,

And my soul athirst may be,

Gushing from the Rock before me,

Lo! A spring of joy I see;

- "All the way my savior leads me," lyric by Fanny Crosby

The picture above was taken on the neighborhood path 3 months after Stefan is born (I am holding him but he's hard to see).  I took a walk around that path again yesterday, talking to God about where He's leading me, and where He's leading my family.  I thought about where He'd led me before, and the difficulty I'd had providing an explanation for my behavior to others.  I'd even come up with explanations that seemed more logical.  "Well, if I do ___, then I can do ________ in the future." These explanations were half-hearted stumblings.  I realized yesterday as I walked that I just did those things because that is where my savior led me, and if they didn't lead to anything else, they at least let me walk with him, which is all I've ever truly desired or aspired to.

All the way my Savior leads me;

What have I to ask beside?

Can I doubt His tender mercy,

Who through life has been my Guide?

Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,

Here by faith in Him to dwell!

For I know, whate’er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well;

Chris Tomlin has an updated recording of this song; our choir has it in our repertoire.  It's lovely.  I couldn't find an "official" version online, so I can't link you to it.  But if you're interested, you can look it up.