A reason to sing

I just savored a piece of chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting that my husband and daughter made for me for Mother's Day. It was a nice moment; real and peaceful. Sometimes I have those moments. However, I think I got the impression from Dove chocolate commercials that I should be having a lot more of them. It's been a weirdly difficult season. There have been highlights, but overall, it's just been a surprising drag, and my soul has been a bit parched. I am not here to testify that it is springtime in my soul again, and life is far from a series of Dove moments. But I do have an anchor for my soul, and in the storms, I've dug deep again and found it still holds. I feel the Holy Spirit urging me during this season to just hold on. A few weeks ago I felt the need to come before the Lord and bare my heart. And yet, when He asked me what was on my heart, I couldn't answer. I was just that numb. Around this time I listened to the All Songs and Daughters album Season One and a couple of songs stood out. One is called "A Reason to Sing." As this blog attests, music and lyrics satisfy my soul, and this one really described my relationship to my circumstances. when the pieces seem too shattered to gather off the floor and all that seems to matter is that I can't feel you anymore is that I don't feel you anymore i need a reason to sing i need reason to sing i need to know that you're still holding the whole world in your hands i need a reason to sing These lyrics massaged the callouses off of my heart. I realized I couldn't speak because life just wasn't making sense, and it was hurting. And I realized, too, almost at the same moment, something about that anchor that went so deep. In an instant it was clear, though perhaps not verbally, that I always have a reason to sing, although I may be so weary and worn that I don't have the energy to come up with the words myself. There is a companion reprise track later on the album that I think captures and supports this response, and all it says is, "I will sing, sing sing, to my God and King, you are good and holy Lord, you are always the reason." So I may not have a lot to say for myself right now, and I still feel parched in some ways, but I now know that that river of life is coursing somewhere below the surface, ready to spring forth in praise and refreshment when the right time comes. Maybe that is peace like a river; grace to walk through a desert when the journey is longer than expected.