Open my hands

I don't think I have time to be posting right now, but I still feel like I should. Here is the scenario: the dishes are washing a few feet away, kids are in their rooms "napping," house is dirty. But I read something this morning that I just can't get out of my head. It was about how God works through Plan B, which is sometimes agonizing and very messy. The case in point was God's deliverance of Paul and the crew of a beleaguered ship onto Malta, which was a place of healing, rest, and welcome. The deliverance came through a shipwreck. "Difficulty does not necessarily mean disaster. Heavy winds and raging seas don't always mean you're on the wrong course. It mean mean you're right on target. Believer, celebrate the fact that you may sometimes 'run aground' on the island of God's will for your life! Perhaps He couldn't get you to your destination any other way..." I've read this exact same study before, and had the same profound sense of wonder, coupled with certainty that that is an accurate interpretation. Meanwhile, I've been reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp, which is a revelation, even though I thoroughly expected it would be. She talks about how we can see God's glory through the rips and tears in the tapestry we thought we were neatly weaving. Her writing is so poignant and painful, yet awe-inducing. I have posted a picture here of my son's handiwork from preschool. He wasn't supposed to be in preschool this early, but because of some developmental delays, he is. My son's difficulties have been a source of genuine bewilderment and vexation for years. I feel badly using the word "vexation," but it's true. It's just a piece of the puzzle that has never quite fit. I've always had this idealistic turn that loved music, art, beauty, and all things inspiring and transcendent. So imagine this type of mama trying to deal with the pain of everyday life and the way the practical things just don't seem to work out, let alone finding time for creativity and beauty-making. It's been very vexing. We thought we were headed one place, and ended up in another. Figuratively, and literally. I've been reminded so many times lately that THIS is where I'm meant to be. The reminders are helpful, because I've struggled to find purpose. I think I've posted on Sara Groves' song "Open My Hands" before, but now I feel like I finally get it. Perhaps Voskamp's perspective is the key. One can believe in all of these abilities of God, and His Providence, and yet, not find it, and yet, still rejoice in what one does find. I'm starting to believe. Oh Lord, please help me keep my hands open.